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Posted by missophelia , 30 December 2012 · 29 views

B is the first letter of his first name.

Although I was required to call him Senior Chief.

I hate him.

I've never said or written his first name, not even his initial. Which is very triggering to me, but I am feeling triggered right now anyway.

Very anxious, and angry, and depressed feeling right now.


trying to make sense...

Posted by missophelia , 29 December 2012 · 26 views

Of how I've been feeling.

I am wondering. Is having to confront the trauma like I've been doing with trauma processing, is that having something to do with how I have been feeling?

Never before in therapy did I really confront it like I have done with Dr K.

I think that, before, there was always a way that I could run from confronting it, if...


taking it slowly...

Posted by missophelia , 24 December 2012 · 29 views

So much is different now. With me.

I want to get back to the things I was doing. The good, healing things. I want to jump headlong into doing all of those things again.

But I need to take it slowly.

So, here goes.

I did a drawing for my dad, for christmas. It's a sketch I did a few months ago, that I redid and framed for him. Very simple.



scared of me...

Posted by missophelia , 13 December 2012 · 26 views

I have had such a hard time lately, with everything. And also with getting myself to be able to write.

I hope that I can at least put some words and thoughts down here.

I have been struggling with depression. Anxiety. Anger. Today has been extremely hard for me.

And again, like last year, christmas has hit me and filled me with horrible anxiety....


a glimpse...

Posted by missophelia , 09 December 2012 · 30 views

I have depression. I have anger.

I have PTSD. I have problems.

All of these things, they are not some neat little, lets take them out and show them off and look all hip and cute and with it and rad, kinds of things. Let's put together some posts that will get lots of attention, let's take them out and parade them when it feels convenient....


update 1...

Posted by missophelia , 03 December 2012 · 13 views

Nothing concrete to write, just maybe the act of writing something may help?

Today I worked. It was a real struggle to get up and go. But I also had physical therapy down at the VA. So I made myself go to work, and then went down for my PT.

My back has been horrible. I don't know how much the PT is actually helping. And at work today, I had to...

Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

December 2012


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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

    1 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.