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bellachai, jmsclayton, Lucchia and 2 others like this

Childhood Memories

17 April 2010
Posted by missophelia  
I’m feeling slightly better today. Not as off as I was yesterday. And I haven’t bitched at A all day, even when we took a ride and she drove.

I have been doing a little more of my cleaning. Today I’ve been moving some furniture around, dusting, sweeping and vacuuming. So, there wasn’t much discovering of things. But the other day I found...
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Maybe PTSD, Maybe ?

16 April 2010
Posted by missophelia  
I’ve been off all day. I don’t know if it’s my PTSD, or what. I’ve been jumpy and on edge. Just off.

A and I did some running around today, and she drove. I felt like a banshee or something. I kept yelling at her about her driving, especially at intersections. I really went off on her at one in particular.

Then we passed a cop in one of...
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Working On It

15 April 2010
Posted by missophelia  
I’m working on not letting him control me or my life anymore. It’s hard to imagine getting him out of my head, and not reacting the way I do to triggers that remind me of what he did, or memories of him.

I saw a cop today, almost ran into him when I stopped to get gas. It threw me into a panic, and I ended up sitting by the side of the road,...
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Weird Dream

14 April 2010
Posted by missophelia  
Last night I had a weird dream. My dreams have been changing since I’ve been in therapy. And I’m working on changing them, although I still don’t understand the process. But I’m trying what Dr H suggested.

My dream didn’t start like they usually do. I usually have nightmares about the time he raped me behind the building. I have rarely...
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Some Thoughts

13 April 2010
Posted by missophelia  
I spent a good part of the day cleaning more of my house. It feels good to be more motivated to get something done around here. I’ve boxed up a few more things, and gotten rid of some more garbage. And I’ve done lots of dusting, which was really needed.

While I was cleaning, I kept thinking about yesterday. In some ways yesterday feels like a...
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Success

12 April 2010
Posted by missophelia  
I don’t even know how to describe my session today. It was more than I hoped it would be, and it went better than I imagined.

When I first sat down in Dr H’s office I was immediately nervous. I started by telling her about my upcoming oral surgery. I told her how thinking about it brought back memories of that night behind the gym. Then I...
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The Bubble

11 April 2010
Posted by missophelia  
Well, I got a lot done today. I think I’ve done more today than I have over the past month, as far as being motivated and getting some cleaning done. I got rid of some more stuff. A bunch of cookbooks I don’t ever use, some old furniture, a couple of bags worth of trash. My kitchen still has some things I need to find new places for, but it...
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Motivated and Rambling

10 April 2010
Posted by missophelia  
Today has been a good day. I’ve actually been quite productive.

I started cleaning out all of the junk and clutter that I’ve accumulated these past years. I think that will help my state of mind, because when I get down or depressed, I know seeing all of it and living in a mess doesn’t help me.

I am also almost done trying to figure out where...
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Posted by missophelia  
I did a lot of thinking today, and I have realized something. I’ve come to a conclusion. Telling my story to Dr H will not kill me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my upcoming oral surgery. I’ve been trying not to panic. I know why I’ve been panicking. It’s because of what he did to me behind the gym. And I really think I need to talk to Dr...
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Good News/Bad News

08 April 2010
Posted by missophelia  
I got a call from my dentist today. My insurance has approved all of the dental work that I need to have done. And I have an appointment. On the 23rd I will be having oral surgery to remove what’s left of my natural teeth. Then I will get dentures.

This is a decision I struggled with. I had one really bad tooth, giving me a lot of pain, so I...
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bellachai, jmsclayton, Lucchia and 2 others like this

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Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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