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Ready

Posted by missophelia , 22 April 2010 · 30 views

Well, Iím about as ready as Iíll ever be for tomorrow. I think Iíve had more than my fill of the stuff I like to eat. Iíve got stuff ready for when I can manage to drink or eat anything. All I have left to do is take a shower and get a good nightís sleep.

At least I donít have to be there at the crack of dawn.

I canít eat or drink after midnight, but...


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Abnormal

Posted by missophelia , 21 April 2010 · 23 views

Today was a long day. Iíve been getting ready for Friday, buying the things Iíd like to eat before then, and trying to get the house clean. That way I wonít have to worry about a mess when I get home from surgery.

For most of the day, I was out alone. A had a few things to do with a friend of hers. I didnít mind. Sheís been so helpful to me lately....


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Too Nice

Posted by missophelia , 20 April 2010 · 18 views

A and I had a great time today with my grandmother. She was snoozing when we got there, but she was so glad to see us. We fixed her lunch. Nothing special, just sandwiches and some soup. But she loved it.

She loved our gift, too. I think I got my sweet tooth from her, because she absolutely loves chocolate. I donít know how long the box we gave her...


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My Session Today

Posted by missophelia , 19 April 2010 · 20 views

I had a good session today. It was lighter than last weekís. I was really relaxed, and I sensed that Dr H was too.

She thanked me again for telling her about the night behind the gym. She said it gave her more understanding of what Iíve been through, and that now she can understand the things Iíve voiced to her, about how I feel, and what my fears are...


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Weakness and Guilt

Posted by missophelia , 18 April 2010 · 37 views

I feel awful about myself tonight. I feel guilty. I feel weak.

Today is my grandmotherís 98th birthday. On my dadís side of the family. I have a gift for her, and a card. But I sat home all day.

My dad, my aunt and uncle, and my cousins all went to her house. A and I were supposed to go. But I feel like I chickened out. And I used a lame excuse....


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Childhood Memories

Posted by missophelia , 17 April 2010 · 20 views

Iím feeling slightly better today. Not as off as I was yesterday. And I havenít bitched at A all day, even when we took a ride and she drove.

I have been doing a little more of my cleaning. Today Iíve been moving some furniture around, dusting, sweeping and vacuuming. So, there wasnít much discovering of things. But the other day I found some pictur...


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Maybe PTSD, Maybe ?

Posted by missophelia , 16 April 2010 · 21 views

Iíve been off all day. I donít know if itís my PTSD, or what. Iíve been jumpy and on edge. Just off.

A and I did some running around today, and she drove. I felt like a banshee or something. I kept yelling at her about her driving, especially at intersections. I really went off on her at one in particular.

Then we passed a cop in one of the aisl...


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Working On It

Posted by missophelia , 15 April 2010 · 20 views

Iím working on not letting him control me or my life anymore. Itís hard to imagine getting him out of my head, and not reacting the way I do to triggers that remind me of what he did, or memories of him.

I saw a cop today, almost ran into him when I stopped to get gas. It threw me into a panic, and I ended up sitting by the side of the road, trying to...


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Weird Dream

Posted by missophelia , 14 April 2010 · 30 views

Last night I had a weird dream. My dreams have been changing since Iíve been in therapy. And Iím working on changing them, although I still donít understand the process. But Iím trying what Dr H suggested.

My dream didnít start like they usually do. I usually have nightmares about the time he raped me behind the building. I have rarely dreamed about...


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Some Thoughts

Posted by missophelia , 13 April 2010 · 18 views

I spent a good part of the day cleaning more of my house. It feels good to be more motivated to get something done around here. Iíve boxed up a few more things, and gotten rid of some more garbage. And Iíve done lots of dusting, which was really needed.

While I was cleaning, I kept thinking about yesterday. In some ways yesterday feels like a dream....






Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

    0 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

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