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gone, but hopefully back...

Posted by missophelia , 03 January 2016 · 124 views

I have been gone for what seems like forever.  
 
I hope that I am back now.
 
I know I need to blog.  So much inside of me.  So much has happened these last few months.
 
So much inside of me feels like it has been on a killer rollercoaster ride.  In part, I still feel like I'm riding that attraction.
 
I have...


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a shift...

Posted by missophelia , 25 September 2015 · 154 views

I have been meditating for some time now on compassion, on being non judgmental, and on my anger.
 
Timeline:
 
 
Sunday I watched Oprah Winfrey's Super Soul Sunday episode where she interviewed Thich Nhat Hanh.  He is a Vietnamese Buddhist monk.  He is a beautiful man, with a beautiful mind and a beautiful essence.
 
The sho...


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rape... TW.....

Posted by missophelia , 29 August 2015 · 194 views

Trigger warning for the multiple use of the word rape.
 
Rape.
 
What an ugly word.
 
Just hearing the word brings to mind a deviant.  A sick twisted mind. 
 
And that was before I was ever raped.
 
My father told a story of when he was little.  I think I heard the story when we were sitting at the dinner table of h...


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mixed emotions...

Posted by missophelia , 28 August 2015 · 145 views

Mixed emotions, because I know I need to be here, blogging, but have had a hard time getting my self here.
 
And I know I need to be here, because of what happened yesterday.
 
I got triggered pretty badly yesterday, something that hasn't happened to that extreme for some time.  And I find it's been hard to bounce back from it.  I even...


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food for thought...

Posted by missophelia , 14 August 2015 · 193 views

Food I'd rather puke up, actually.
 
I had therapy this week.  We have started to deal with my anger in therapy.
 
That will not be easy.
 
Anyway, I was talking about him, and the fact that I believe that he is just fine, and has gotten on with his life and doesn't even think about breaking a sweat with any sense of remorse for what h...


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PTSD flair....

Posted by missophelia , 09 July 2015 · 197 views

Well, here we go again. 
 
I have been meaning to blog here more often, but the time just seems to keep getting away from me.  I can't believe how long it's been since my last entry.  Anyway....
 
Part of it is just that I seem to never have enough time.  Part of it is that my appointments seem to keep me mega busy.
 
An...


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how?....

Posted by missophelia , 17 May 2015 · 225 views

How do I deal with all of this anger, when buried beneath it is all of this hurt?
 
All I want to do is push the hurt away, partly because I feel like I'm stronger than letting myself get hurt, partly because I want to just ignore it.
 
And all I want to do is push the anger away, because the anger just plain frightens me to no end.
 
I gue...


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all over the place....

Posted by missophelia , 15 May 2015 · 212 views

I seem to be all over the place lately, inside of me. 
 
Struggling with trying to find peace through meditation and breathing.  Dealing with some trigger issues.  My anger, which is frequently out of control. 
 
My car needs repairs again.   My finances are touchy.
 
And today...my mother. 
 
Once ag...


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quote....

Posted by missophelia , 10 May 2015 · 149 views

"Life is way too short to spend another day at war with yourself."
 
Can't find whose quote this is, but I was cleaning out some papers and came across this in my hand writing on a piece of paper.  it kind of resonated with me.
 
Not sure if some of my anger is seated in some kind of war with myself. 
 
Guess I'll ponder on it for...


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where I am right now...

Posted by missophelia , 07 May 2015 · 198 views

I see the vast majority of men in this world....my blood boils and I see red....
 
I come upon most of the drivers in this world....my blood boils and I see red....
 
It's just where I am right now....
 
And I hate it....






Blog Warning

This is a blog of my thoughts, my feelings, my happiness, my pain, my joy, my sorrow, all raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of your self.

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    Blog Warning

    This is a blog of my feelings, my emotions, my joys, my sorrows, my thoughts, my struggles as I heal. All raw and real. I am not censoring my blog, so please take gentle care of you.

    3 user(s) viewing

    0 members, 3 guests, 0 anonymous users

    Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.