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Where I am at

Posted by Carleen , 11 December 2009 · 9 views

:trigger:

The warning is because I am going to let my mind go where it will then hit submit. I don't know what will come out so beware.

My computer clock says it is 11.09pm. I am wide awake. Sleep is something I both pray for and dread. It is the one thing that I need above all others right now. I have not, for months, managed more than about four...


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DV or not DV? That is the question.

Posted by Carleen , 10 December 2009 · 11 views

Again I am struggling with calling what he did to me domestic violence so I am just going to let some stuff spill out and see where I end up.

The stereotype of DV is one that involves physical battery. Even awareness campaigns use the images of women with black eyes and facial bruising to achieve their goal of bringing DV into the public conscience. It i...


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The painful past

Posted by Carleen , 05 December 2009 · 10 views

When I was a teenager all my friends wanted my mum to be their mum. In fact most of my friends even called her Mum. I hated it, yet felt so selfish for that feeling. I mean, quite a few of my friends came from less than stable families. By comparison mine was great. At least if you didn't have to be in it.

I never felt I fit in with my family. My m...


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Trying to find a future

Posted by Carleen , 03 December 2009 · 10 views

Right now I am questioning so much of what I am doing with my life. I don't know if I want to stick with or return to what is comfortable or if I want to move forward and find a life I want to live. So I do nothing which makes me so angry with myself.

I have been thinking about what I want to do with my life. How I want to earn a living. I think I kn...


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Feeling stupid and feeling stupid for feeling stupid

Posted by Carleen , 25 November 2009 · 10 views

Prepare for mindless rambling about something that happened yesterday.

I hate being a passenger in heavy traffic. I don't like driving in it either but for some reason being a passenger is worse. Maybe it is the feeling of having absolutely no control over what is happening. I have had panic/anxiety attacks before - both while driving and as a passen...


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Study Stuff: considering a change

Posted by Carleen , 21 November 2009 · 12 views

When I started my current course of study I chose my course for one main reason - it was available to start right away. So I began doing a Bachelor of Social Science vis distance education. Three semesters later I am enjoying the study. My grades have been pretty good and I am currently on track to do honours. But the thing is I am not really sure what a...


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The Pain of Naming

Posted by Carleen , 12 November 2009 · 11 views

When I first realised what was happening to me in my marriage I could not use the word rape in relation to it. I could think it but not write it or say it. It made it far too real. I think that even if someone had asked me at that point if he had raped me I would have said no. I bought into the rape myths that can be the source of so much self-doubt and s...


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I wrote this yesterday.

Posted by Carleen , 01 November 2009 · 11 views

I wrote this yesterday.

Falling Into a Crevasse Within the Crack: My Experience of IPSV

Imagine walking across an ice field and slipping into a crack. As you slip deeper into the crack you find yourself falling into a deep crevasse. There is nothing to stop you falling and no help to be found. That is how I have felt.

Intimate Partner Sexual Violence...






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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.