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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

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Posted by Carleen  
I just wrote this in my journal and thought I would put it here.

I have been listening to this song for about a year and it always touched me. I could never work out why. Tonight I think I have. It is like a conversation with myself. Me now and Me then. Me now is in black and me then in red.

Forgiven (Within Temptation)

Couldn't...
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Posted by Carleen  
I saw my T today. I really like and respect her. Her support has been unconditional. From the first time I saw her she has talked about the need to connect with the feelings, the emotions, that go with the traumas I have had in my life, specifically the abuse by my ex. Today I was explaining how the memories don't seem to be there anymore....
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Tomorrow

21 March 2010
Posted by Carleen  
Tomorrow I get to do my first real student thing, besides all the study at home. Tomorrow I am going to a workshop on Dv and SA run by Ricky Hunter. I am looking forward to it. But I am also a little aprhensive. This will be the first time I have listened to someone speak about their experience (which I assume she does, at least a little). I am...
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Posted by Carleen  
When I first got out my marriage the memories were overwhelming. They were there almost all day, every day. To call them intrusive is an understatement. Slowly but surely they have tapered off. Now they are not there at all. My therapist calls it compartmentalisation. I call it scary. Don't get me wrong. I am glad not to have them running...
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Posted by Carleen  
Nothing is going right at the moment. My life sucks big time. Any time anything goes my way it is immediately outweighed by the crap that just keeps coming. Maybe it is what I deserve. Maybe it is my payback for throwing away my marriage. Maybe I am just a miserable bitch who is finally getting what she really deserves out of life.

I really hate...
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Posted by Carleen  
I did the right things. I got help for myself, I tried to protect my kids by staying silent during the abuse, I talked to friends, my therapist, the DV service. When I was able to I got out. Funny, it now seems that all but the last were the wrong things to do.

Talking to my T today about stuff that happened earlier in the week, she came to the...
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Pros and Cons

29 January 2010
Posted by Carleen  
I am just trying to clarify a few things in my head so that when it comes time to argue this with people I with be a bit more clear.

I am looking at changing uni courses next year. It is too late to do it for this year. There are a few problems involed in this, not leastof which is that I will have to convince my ex to let me move the kids some...
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stuff

26 January 2010
Posted by Carleen  
This is just me trying to explain how I coped with the abuse, the way I escaped in my head.

* * * * * * * * *


On a regular night whatever was on TV was enough. Often it was his DVDs of MASH but sometimes it was just the TV. On those nights it wasn't too bad. The TV was my world. I felt saw and heard nothing else. Not his breath in my ear as...
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Title - can't think of one.

25 January 2010
Posted by Carleen  
I wish I could make people understand the life I escaped from. Maybe then they would see the world differently, see me differently. More importantly I wish I could explain it to myself. Then I might have some compassion for the Carleen who tried so hard and feels like a failure.

My marriage was violent. I can say that but I can't feel it. I...
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January 17 1998

16 January 2010
Posted by Carleen  
Today should have been my 12th wedding anniversary. Should have been. Somehow, despite the hell our marriage disintergrated into, I can't not think of it today. It was such a long time ago. But not all of it was bad. I have my kids. I am who I am because of what happened. My friends, the professionals I have come into contact with, my friends...
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About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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