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Over it

Posted by Carleen , 11 November 2010 · 79 views

Its funny. I thought that things would get better when we moved. Not so many physical reminders of what my ex did to me. And it was better, for awhile. But now things seem to be making a comeback. My PTSD symptoms have revved right up again, after a couple of months of having basically no impact on my life. Only in some ways now it is worse. I am having n...


Living Without Anniversaries

Posted by Carleen , 30 August 2010 · 69 views

Being a survivor of Intimate Partner Sexual Violence it occurs to me that, compared to survivors of one-off sexual assults, I do not have an anniversary. Sure, there are dates that mark some assaults that I remember; special occasions such as my birthday or holidays, particularly severe assaults, assaults that were memorable for other reasons. But I don...


Just sick of it

Posted by Carleen , 27 August 2010 · 73 views

It's official. I'm over it. Not that IT. Just the whole package. I'm sick of how it effects me every day of my life. I would like to have just one day when I didn't jump at noises, where I could let my kids snuggle up to me until they wanted to get up instead of me saying enough, where what happened to me didn't resonate through my who...


A letter to myself

Posted by Carleen , 24 August 2010 · 94 views

A letter to myself, across the years.

Dear Little Carly

Carly is always what Mary and Lindsay called you (and still do) and that is how I think of you. You were such a sweet little girl. So trusting and loving. So pretty, though nobody ever told you that. They should have. Just because you weren't a pixie child like Terri it didn't make you ugly...


Was it worth it?

Posted by Carleen , 23 August 2010 · 80 views

This question came to me today. Was it worth it? Was it worth sacrificing over a quarter of my life to him? Was it worth everything that happened?

I can't deny good things came out of my marriage. I have my beautiful kids and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I wouldn't have met a lot of the wonderful people that I have or done the things I...



Posted by Carleen , 17 August 2010 · 47 views

I don't normally post twice to my blog in one day. In fact I rarely use my blog at all. But I need to get some of this out before I explode and I have no idea which forum to put it in. Add to that it just seems kind of petty and I am disappointed that it has thrown me so damn badly.

I am having a lot of pressure put on me about moving settlement date...


My assignment for my counselling unit for uni

Posted by Carleen , 16 August 2010 · 84 views

Okay, so maybe I am getting a bit of a swelled head but I am pretty damn proud of this assignment. Some of the referencing is a bit dodgy - not in that I didn't read all the references but because I have read so damn much that sometimes I couldn't remember where I got it from. Anyway, I just felt like sharing. It is pretty long (but not as long as...


Reflecting on my night out

Posted by Carleen , 06 August 2010 · 40 views

I am just home from a night out and I just feel like I need to reflect a bit on the night and my feelings and stuff. There is a lot of stuff that I couldn't, wouldn't, let out while I was there and I want to do it while it is all still fresh.

The night was an 80s night fundraiser for my friends Hazel and Paul. Paul has terminal brain cancer. They...


Old movies and teenage angst

Posted by Carleen , 03 July 2010 · 36 views

I watched an old movie tonight. Nobody could call it a particularly good movie. Puberty Blues, released 1981, based on a book published sometime earlier. Promoted as looking at the world of typical teenagers. For me both were enough to shape how I saw things and I hated myself because I didn't shape up.

I thought that that book was a blueprint. I hav...


Head down, bum up.

Posted by Carleen , 29 June 2010 · 40 views

The new semester has started and I am not going to have a repeat of the last one. I let myself get derailed early because of flying up to Neville's funeral and then losing a day to exhaustion from that. Bang two days gone. Then I let the depression take over and I couldn't study. Not going to happen again.

I know that people see me as obsessed ab...

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