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this sounds schmaltzy

Posted by Zelda , 04 July 2011 · 84 views

but in the wake of my mother's death I discovered I have a couple friends. They are reaching out and being caring and doing what friends do. I am receiving and grateful. That last part is really the big new thing.


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all I can say

Posted by Zelda , 01 July 2011 · 63 views

is that my mother's impending death has brought up a stockpile of feelings and emotions and none of them have to do with a daughter losing her mother.

I am ashamed of how I feel.


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I am lost

Posted by Zelda , 01 July 2011 · 41 views

I am going to try and honestly write my feelings here --hoping I can do this anyway.

Warning to others that might read that it won't be pretty and will most likely only serve to spotlight me in a bad way.


See, this is the crux, my feelings mixed in with my badness.


And then writing the above sentence makes me hate myself even more.

Well, This i...


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....

Posted by Zelda , 29 June 2011 · 59 views

My mother is dying.


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taking the bull by the horns

Posted by Zelda , 01 June 2011 · 38 views

I am gaining strength, even if it is only through insight. I don't have many words to draw this out much, basically the upshot is
realizing I assign a lot of power to people in my life. Slowly but surely I am withdrawing the power I have assigned and it's a whole new ballgame.


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report to headquarters

Posted by Zelda , 26 May 2011 · 47 views

I don't feel much like blogging lately. My usual fellow bloggers have fallen off and I have too. I think I was unaware of the influence of my peers here, how their writing inspired or reminded me of things in my life. So this is more like a report, a checking in. What's going on ? Small barely dectable changes. But they are huge sign posts to me...


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I hate the thought therapy but...

Posted by Zelda , 09 May 2011 · 47 views

Thanks you guys that responded, it means a lot to me that you are here. Some reason I cannot comment on my own blog....anyway, thanks again and SW I love that.



I pretend to myself until....



I see my impulses and where it is leading me and know enough to catch myself and let up...


this place excepting, I have zero support in my lfe.

It's s...


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i am in deep trouble

Posted by Zelda , 08 May 2011 · 51 views

mentally I am not well.


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to sleep/to shut down

Posted by Zelda , 02 May 2011 · 38 views

Nothing but ideas and concepts to report in my life as usual, no proof in the pudding that things are changing. Small things.

Just more realization how weak , how vunererable , how I send those signals out to the world, loud and clear

without knowing it.

Paranoia and my lameness.



Inner knowledge, I am getting to know myself. Which is tantamount to...


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paranoia

Posted by Zelda , 02 May 2011 · 37 views

When you are raised by at least one parent who is literally out to get you and the other parent, well jury is out, but at the very least did nothing, which is a lot, you grow
up and become a paranoid person. At least I did, as I am finding out. Disclaimer, this is in no way knocking myself. That said, I am going to start documenting
my paranoid thoughts...






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