Pandora's Aquarium: Depressed - Pandora's Aquarium

Wow, I will be going on doing so well (at least it seems) and then something will trigger it, and it will all come back up again bothering me. I am feeling really depressed right now. It makes me so sad that I don't think I will ever get what I need. What I need, that is the question, I think that I know what I long for, but then again, maybe not. I wish there would be someone that loves me, that cares for me, and that knows everything, someone that I know will be there for me, giving me what I need without pitying me. I wish that I had someone that understands, and knows what I am going through. Wish my husband could do that, but he can't. I just realize that it will be something that will never happen. Again, dealing with it all on my own like I always have.

I contacted my therapist, but not sure about it all. I think I need to start working on things again though, as much as I hate to admit it. I hate this never-ending struggle that we all seem to have to go through. Even when I feel like I am doing the best that I can, or that things are actually going good. Just as soon as I think, "I am okay now", the struggle rises up again, it is always there, it is never going to go away, is it? Admitting that it is never going away feels as though I am giving up, that I am allowing it to win. Who, am I kidding though, it beat me a long time ago. It has taken parts of me away that are forever lost in the abyss. The struggle is never going to end, it is part of me, the defeat, it is part of me, and I hate it. I hate that this is so much a part of my life, and it is a part that I feel as though I must keep hidden from everyone. It makes me tired, so here I am again, reaching out the only way I can through a therapist. I hate all of this, I hate it, and I wish that I could just rip it out of me