Pandora's Aquarium: Even though... - Pandora's Aquarium

Even though I have posted the fact that I wish that I was normal, and that I sometimes really wish things were different, that I was different, that I could somehow change this thinking, even though I am tired of it all, it is going to be okay. I will continue on. I am okay. I can look at myself, and in reality think, "No, you're not, I am not okay, truly." But compared to where I have been in the past, I am okay. Yes, I know that I need more help, I need more therapy, I know that I still have a lot to work on. I know that I am still screwed up. And I do fear one day that my mind will worsen, that I may be beyond help after a certain point. I am scared that gradually, and unknowingly I will slip into a constant mind set of loneliness, anxiety, self-loathing and fear, but I am not there yet. I am still screwed up, but for now that is okay. Life currently will not allow me to work on it, I can't afford therapy. It may be years before I can afford therapy, and actually do it, but I will go back, I have to. I understand that I will constantly be a work in progress, and I want to improve myself so badly. I want to live a full and happy life; though, I am not currently doing so, never have, and I am not sure what a full and happy life would be to me, still want a chance to see what it is. I want to stop feeling like I have to hide all the time in order to feel safe and comfortable, I don't want that to be the point of my life.