Pandora's Aquarium: Being part of this group - Pandora's Aquarium

Well, I thought that it was going to be a better day, and it was relaxing, but not so much better. I am not sure why I do it, but I tend to watch things that I know will trigger me. I guess it is seeing others react the same way I have to what happened to me, knowing that I am not alone in these feelings that I have. It is like seeing a reflection of myself, of my life. I see that pain that I feel so deep within me outside of me, I see a reflection of the pain that I cannot express. I watch those talk shows anytime that abuse is an issue, Dr. Phil and Oprah, I watch movies, and am interested in documentaries pertaining to abuse, I do this when I know that it will trigger me. I don't know why I do it.

I hate that I am part of that group, I hate hearing something and hearing myself say that happened to me, I was that kid, knowing that I am a part of that group that is silent, that no one wants to talk about. I am a part of the group of people that were molested as children, I am a part of the group where fathers abused their children, I am a part of that and the only people that know are my therapist and Pandys. I think this, and how much it affects me, all the pain that I carry with me because of it, and I realize that "Wow, no one really knows me, do they?" I think that may be another reason that I can get so sad, yet I know that this information I can never share with my husband, he wouldn't get it, wouldn't understand, and it would turn our lives upside down. I don't think that I could ever look him in the eye again.