Pandora's Aquarium: Why is it so hard to talk about, and why I feel like I must - Pandora's Aquarium

I feel very distant to it all, it seems so long ago, and that it happened to another person, to a different little girl than I was, I don't feel like I was her. It was a different life. I am detached from everything, the memories, thoughts, and feelings are far away, far off in the distance. I don't feel like they are reachable even though I can think of it all and do, it is unreachable. It doesn't seem as bad when it is this far away, it doesn't hit me, it doesn't scare me as much, or hurt me as much, I feel safer, not so vulnerable to the pain, it is not so raw.

When I try to talk about it though, it is no longer in the distance, it is there right in front of me, I begin to feel the reality of it all, the darkness of it all, I am giving it a voice, and acknowledging it. It is so scary to give name to what happened, and face the awfulness of it all, and realize that was my life.

Still, I feel like I must try. Somehow, I feel as though I will get some of my power back. I feel like in order for me to move on that I must confront the past by acknowledging it with words. I must give a voice to what happened, no longer keeping it a secret, I can't give it that power any longer; nor can I give it the power of the shame I can feel so easily.

So this is my goal for now, this is what is on my mind. I just must push beyond the fear and anxiety, and do it.