What they took away from me
They took away any chance for sex to be anything but dirty to me
They took away any chance for me to become the whole person that I was meant to be
They took away my confidence
They took away my innocence
They took away the chance that I would ever truly feel safe
They took away my childhood
They left me with shame, fear, dirtiness, pain, worthlesness and doubt
I have pieces of me that are missing, pieces that they stole from me, pieces that I will never get back
I feel like I was something to be used and thrown away
Now trying to move passed all of those years of pain seems truly impossible. I have good days, but then it never truly goes away. I carry with me always this shame, this embarrasment, this pain that is constant from the past. The enormity of it all sometimes hits me, and I feel completely hopeless that I will be anything more than I have ever been.
I have goals and a person in my mind that I want to strive to become, but she is not there inside me. I will never find her I am afraid, no matter how much therapy or healing I try to do. After all these years, I am still that same little girl that is weak, timid, nervous, unsure, and scared. The little girl that tries very hard to please everyone, that is undeserving, the one that doesn't ever feel like she can do anything right, the little girl that felt like she didn't have a voice.