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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!
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Can you imagine..
Having your first sexual experience being with your father before you are old enough to even know what is happening
Praying every night to die
Hating yourself so much that you want to hurt, you need to hurt, and you wish to hurt
Thinking that it is normal for someone to hold you down and rape you
Being so scared that your child will be molested or raped that you do not want them out of your site
Not being able to leave your home because you are scared that it will happen again
Seeing every man and wondering if he is a rapist or child molester
Making love to your husband, but instead of enjoying it like a loving couple should, you dread it because you know that you will have flashbacks of being raped
Being so scared to cry that even when you are hurting so bad, you cannot shed one single tear
Being so good at 'blocking out' the pain, that in order to feel alive you have to put a blade to your skin, feel pain and see the blood, and sometimes that is not even enough
Knowing that the only thing anyone ever wanted out of you since you were just a little girl was sex
Never having anyone to protect you
Having your first sexual experience being with your father before you are old enough to even know what is happening
Praying every night to die
Hating yourself so much that you want to hurt, you need to hurt, and you wish to hurt
Thinking that it is normal for someone to hold you down and rape you
Being so scared that your child will be molested or raped that you do not want them out of your site
Not being able to leave your home because you are scared that it will happen again
Seeing every man and wondering if he is a rapist or child molester
Making love to your husband, but instead of enjoying it like a loving couple should, you dread it because you know that you will have flashbacks of being raped
Being so scared to cry that even when you are hurting so bad, you cannot shed one single tear
Being so good at 'blocking out' the pain, that in order to feel alive you have to put a blade to your skin, feel pain and see the blood, and sometimes that is not even enough
Knowing that the only thing anyone ever wanted out of you since you were just a little girl was sex
Never having anyone to protect you
Tags: Expression through writing
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Categories
The Kelsey Briggs Story
Child Abuse Casts a Shadow the Length of a Lifetime
~Herbert Ward~
Please click on the link below...
~In Memory of Kelsey Briggs
~Herbert Ward~
Please click on the link below...
~In Memory of Kelsey Briggs
RAINN
1-800-656-HOPE or RAINN.org
~Tori Amos~
Links to one of my favorite artists, live performances of Tori Amos...
~Me and a Gun
~Here In My Head
~Silent All These Years
~Precious Things
~Girl
~Winter
~Girl Disappearing
~Little Earthquakes
~Smoky Joe
~Maybe California
~Somewhere Over The Rainbow
~Me and a Gun
~Here In My Head
~Silent All These Years
~Precious Things
~Girl
~Winter
~Girl Disappearing
~Little Earthquakes
~Smoky Joe
~Maybe California
~Somewhere Over The Rainbow
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Not quiet...but I get the idea (for me it was my brother). It makes me so sick to think that there are people out there who do these things to little children....people who are really still only babies
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All the time....At least now though it isn't so bad.
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It is so wierd to read this.....for some reason there is a part of me that needs to always be sick. Be sick in the way that I am always hurting myself, or ODing or doing things that I know one day will stop me from being able to do things that normal people do. One day I am so afraid that I will go to far and I am more afraid of being left alive but living with brain damage or something like that rather than me dying.
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Not quiet in that sense, but for me it was normal to be always get teased or have some form of sexual assault going on around me.
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I don't have children of my own yet, But everytime I see a child I wonder what there life is really like. I wonder if there inocense has been broken by the mean and unthinkable people out there.
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I am so afraid when I go out. There are times when I feel like I am being followed...even when there is no one there.
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It took me quiet some time to get over this. But I still get times when I am afraid to be around or touch anyone. I was at the hospital and the person who came and spoke to me put his hand out to shake it. I just freaked out. I started to hyperventilate. I havent felt that for a while but when I feel it is such a strong feeling that it just overwhelms me.
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I have been to afraid to engage in an intimate relationship. I dont know why, but I think that it is because I am afraid. Afraid of everything - will I get triggered? will they understand? How will I cope? (just to name a few)
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I feel like I am going to cry all the time. Sometimes I try hard not to. Other times I just feel like I am going to cry but I feel dry...Like I have run out of tears.
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The pain for me seems to come and go as it pleases. But now I just put a face on when I need to. I dont see the point in hiding it all the time cause it wears me down to much. I hate cutting. But it still happens. It doesnt do anything for me anymore. Each time I cut it gets worse and one day I know that I will go to far. I cant let that happen. I have to take control somehow.
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I think that that would be the reason why I am so afraid of a relationship. I dont want to have someone there who is just going to use me.
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I have never had anyone to protect me and there still is no one who can protect me. I think the only way that I would be able to get protected is by getting shut away from the world...then I would never have to worry about anything again.
I always got so much to think about when I read what you write. I think that I have just gotten some very important things out of this. Thanks.