Pandora's Aquarium: Pieces Of Me - Pandora's Aquarium

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Ingz, bellachai and bj_bear like this

My family pisses me off

16 October 2010
Posted by ChristineMarie   in Memories, Pain, Thoughts all ...
I was thinking about the visit with my step-mom, and it pisses me off. It was fine until she asked me if I had heard from my sister Amy. She started to go off about how she never calls. She made some pretty stupid comments. She actually said, "Your dad wears his heart on his sleeve worried about her, but never talks about her. Do you know...
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That house

15 October 2010
Posted by ChristineMarie   in Memories, Pain, Thoughts all ...
I try to avoid my father's house as much as possible. When I do go there I do not go anywhere near the hallway. I can't even bare to look down it without being flooded with I don't even know what, not necessarily emotions, but more like memories of feelings that I had when I was a child. I stay as close to the front door as possible....
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How will I know

06 October 2010
Posted by ChristineMarie   in Memories, Pain, Thoughts all ...
On Wed afternoon is when I have my therapy session, and afterwords I go to whatever college class that I am taking at the time. So, I try to shut off the therapy mindset, and turn on the student mindset as I walk into the classroom. It has been difficult to do that in the past five weeks because the class I am currently taking is intro to...
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She wasn't there

28 September 2010
Posted by ChristineMarie   in Memories, Pain, Thoughts all ...
You know, it is pretty sad that it takes another person looking at your life and talking to you about it to make you see it for what it is. It takes my t to say maybe one or two simple words to make me look back at things, and then it is like I finally see it for what it really was, I see people for how they truly are. Not only have I always given...
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I am so tired

27 September 2010
Posted by ChristineMarie   in Memories, Pain, Thoughts all ...
I can't help but wonder how it is, wonder how life is for people that don't have this shit to deal with on an everyday basis. I know that everyone has problems in their life, things on their mind, but I am tired of this. If there are no distractions to me, such as work, my mind is there automatically. Not on memories so much, just all the...
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Overwhelmed

20 September 2010
Posted by ChristineMarie   in Memories, Pain, Thoughts all ...
I am so overwhelmed right now. I have been thinking about things a lot lately, and of course having a rough time of it. I had nightmares all night last night, and remembered them in the morning, which is rare for me. I work at a elementary school with pre-k children, and there are a couple of kids that I am very concerned about, and nothing is...
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I wish I knew why

17 September 2010
Posted by ChristineMarie   in Memories, Pain, Thoughts all ...
I wish I knew why and what he was thinking. Was it about control, he had control over me, I was scared of him. He controlled me by beating the shit out of my sisters in front of me when they went against him in anyway. I saw it and knew that I should never go against him, and I didn't. So he already had control over me, why the hell did he...
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I am not happy anymore

15 August 2010
Posted by ChristineMarie   in Memories, Pain, Thoughts all ...
I have changed so much since I started dealing with this stuff a few years ago. I was so scared of changing, of losing the life that I had gained in one way or another, and I have. I have changed so much, I used to be this person that always looked on the bright side of things, I was very good at pushing the past hurts away, at not letting them...
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Posted by ChristineMarie   in Memories, Pain, Thoughts all ...
I feel very distant to it all, it seems so long ago, and that it happened to another person, to a different little girl than I was, I don't feel like I was her. It was a different life. I am detached from everything, the memories, thoughts, and feelings are far away, far off in the distance. I don't feel like they are reachable even...
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Posted by ChristineMarie   in Memories, Pain, Thoughts all ...
I have been thinking, I don't think that it is normal how I react to all this, but what is 'normal.' There is no normal, because what happened was not normal. Every person reacts differently to trauma, to pain. So what if I don't cry about it, if I don't truly feel anything. Yeah, it is numbness, but is that so bad? I look at...
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