Pandora's Aquarium: Pieces Of Me - Pandora's Aquarium

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Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!






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Ingz, bellachai and bj_bear like this
I am so tired of this sick, sick world. So everyone knows the recent news about the three women that recently escaped their monster of an abuser in Ohio, what they went through I could never imagine and I feel so much for them. Wondering what shock they must be in, how they just want to be left alone, and yet the media will not leave them alone,...
I haven't seen my t for about a year now (I think). My deductible was due again, and than to top it all off I lost my job. I have been doing good up until the last month. My dad's wife getting sick and dying has now got everything stirred up again.

I have new insurance, but my deductible is $350. My t requires his clients to pay the...

My dad's wife died

Well, here we are... everything slapping me across the face once again

the doubt
the questions
the guilt
the detachment
and my stupid, idiotic self

Still, the doubt of my memories. The flashback I had of someone molesting me when I was a child, was it my father or someone else? How can I even have that question in my mind...
Okay, so is everything that we do, how we live is it a reflection of our past? It would seem as though it is, and I am not saying that is bad necessarily because it made us stronger. We are better for it because we know real pain, I would think that one would be more compassionate, empathetic, and caring if they have went through the pain we have....
But here I am again. I don't think it matters how much 'better' I get or try to move past this, Pandys is always my safe place to go back to when I am being bothered by it again, need support, needing to write, or just needing to think on 'paper' which is what I do here. Many times I come here to type out my thoughts or...
I know that he did, I remember him doing things. I think that I try to wish it away, I want to think that I am wrong. I want to tell myself that I am wrong because here I am having a relationship with him, how could I after what he did. It is like I am saying that it is okay, what he did. My sister resents me because I treat him good, she resents...
I hate the way I handle things sometimes. I know that what my father did when I was younger was because of the way I am. I was so very passive when I was younger, scared to death to make anyone angry, cause anymore problems than I already had, and I know that it was obvious, it made me an easy target, I guess. I am still like that. I am still the...
Guess, it is just time to go there again. Need to try to deal with the emotions and reality of it once again, off and on it comes. It has been off for a while, guess it is time again.

It is easy to not think about it, to minimize it, to still sometimes wonder if maybe, possibly I have it all wrong. Maybe it was not all that bad, but then looking...
Well, I have my bad times. But, in all reality, it is not that bad. I sometimes will read my past blog entries, and though it can be very triggering and difficult, I realize that it has gotten better. Maybe I should stop complaining, feeling sorry for myself. I went ahead and made an appointment to start therapy again. I have some things that I...

Depressed

Wow, I will be going on doing so well (at least it seems) and then something will trigger it, and it will all come back up again bothering me. I am feeling really depressed right now. It makes me so sad that I don't think I will ever get what I need. What I need, that is the question, I think that I know what I long for, but then again, maybe...
Ingz, bellachai and bj_bear like this

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The Kelsey Briggs Story

Child Abuse Casts a Shadow the Length of a Lifetime

~Herbert Ward~


Please click on the link below...
~In Memory of Kelsey Briggs

RAINN

1-800-656-HOPE or RAINN.org

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