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Weeks that Come


My First Bad Truth

Posted by LexieB , 26 July 2010 · 176 views

I was six years old. I know because I still owned this ugly peach make-up compartment holder that held all of my most prized hair ribbons and scrunchies; thus, it had to have been before the flood. I was putting away the container under the bathroom sink. I wasn't still supposed to be awake, but I had sneaked into the bathroom to pick out a different...


History Defined

Posted by LexieB , 25 July 2010 · 197 views

History is not actually always the history that would be agreed upon and perceived by all. The winning party gets to write the history books. It is a one-sided account of what happened. It is not fair; rarely does anyone attempt to write an unbiased explanation. Why is that so? Are we so afraid to truly look at what we've done and see how it relates t...


Cake or Bread?

Posted by LexieB , 24 July 2010 · 138 views

The debate for the evening: shall I eat cake or shall I eat bread? Both - fresh baked and made from scratch - envelop the room with such a decadent aroma. And yet, as I try to decide just what would fill me, I am reminded of the often misquoted phrase that was not actually uttered by Marie-Antoinette. I wonder, how much of my life was misquoted? How much...


What is a Word?

Posted by LexieB , 22 July 2010 · 143 views

If a word is merely what we create it to mean, then any word could essentially mean anything. That is why we have created an understanding of what each word will represent contextually. I mean, if we don't, we would all live in a 1-D box, a void where no one actually communicates with each other. We'd exist in a world where we all talk at each ot...


Venom Stings

Posted by LexieB , 21 July 2010 · 192 views

As often I like to do, I start by not talking abouit the reason for this entry - avoidance is always an effective method for dealing with things, right? The day, when viewed as a whole instead of divided in its pieces, was quite nice. I worked on honing my skills of oil changing for my car - or, well, at least my skills for lifting my car with a jack....


Wherefore Art Thou?

Posted by LexieB , 17 July 2010 · 103 views

Where oh where is my Sookie cat? I cannot find her anywhere. As a matter of fact, I couldn't find the other cat that has laid claim to Gabby and Tyler's house either. I don't know where the cats are. They (Tyler and Gabby) left for the weekend. They aren't supposed to be there. I was supposed to be able to jump the fence and lure the...


Things to Accomplish

Posted by LexieB , 17 July 2010 · 86 views

Okay, so here is my list of objectives for the day:
Go to the grocery store - checkWeed the backyard - checkWork on my HR project - checkBraid a bunch of little girl's hair for a wedding - check Go recapture my Sookie kitty - Now, let's go do this!!! I have my running shoes on. I have my Sookie blanket - the one she always laid on w...


Psychological Profile

Posted by LexieB , 17 July 2010 · 113 views

To go to pharmacy school, there are applications and tests and prerequisites and tons of forms that fully scare you and make you sure you aren't going to actually get accepted. And then, I got accepted. Unfortunately, the fears just seem to have shifted. Now, instead of filling out papers that may make it so that I could not go to the school, the s...



Posted by LexieB , 15 July 2010 · 118 views

Okay - word to the wise: don't publish things at four in the morning unless you are absolutely certain you won't be filled with embarrassment later in the day. Oh wait, I'm the one that needed to have read that memo.

So, here is the deal. Yes, what I said last night - er, um - really, this morning was not inaccurate. On the other hand, it was...



Posted by LexieB , 15 July 2010 · 120 views

Well, I'm awake. It is nearly four in the morning and I've been awake almost an hour. The sad thing is that I've seen half my family this morning and talked with them - in coherent sentences. When did my family become nocturnal?

Okay, I'd totally love to blame my lack of sleep on Throck, but for once, my lack of sleeping is a physical...


It is Time for a Kitty Recapture

Posted by LexieB , 14 July 2010 · 105 views

In order to speak of my new stealth-like secret agent plans, I feel as though I should quickly update those who don't know why I need to steal my own kitty back to me - or rather, steal me back to her.

I used to be friends with these people - Gabby and Tyler. I used to watch their children nearly everyday. I intended to help them out a little bit, b...


What I'd Change

Posted by LexieB , 13 July 2010 · 106 views

I'm thankful to have done most things in my life exactly as I want - and to not even have a glimmer of a desire to change them. But, sometimes I wonder if I'm deluding myself. Would I really change nothing? Am I really happy everything happened? If I knew better, would I find a way to stop something from happening or make something happen instead?...



Posted by LexieB , 12 July 2010 · 97 views

My mom and dad divorced some years ago. I wasn't devastated by the news that it was going to happen. In fact, I recommended that they do it to my mom before she filed. My dad was abusive and psychotic and my mom really needed to get away. I try hard to relate to people whose parents divorced when they were kids and I just don't feel the same s...


Intimacy Information

Posted by LexieB , 12 July 2010 · 118 views

My attempts to talk to my mom about my rape have essentially fallen on deaf ears over the past few months. I'm not complaining. I'm just stating the facts. Well, what is odd about it is my mom's sudden new openness with me about intimacy and sexuality. As a unit, we're basically ignoring the facts and implications about what Throck did. Bu...



Posted by LexieB , 11 July 2010 · 81 views

I just came back from living with exhibitionists for a week. It may sound as though I'm exaggerating this a little bit, but I swear I'm not. The two primary offenders were a five year old girl, Ann, and a seven year old boy, Matt. And the ironic part about the experience is that I feel more comfortable with my body after this week.

A person my...


Reading My Own Truths

Posted by LexieB , 27 June 2010 · 65 views

After last weeks events, I started wondering what I was thinking last summer - and even more, what I was feeling. I remember what happened, but I know it is clouded by my newer experiences and understandings of what happened. I'm also clouded by an actual understanding of what happened - as opposed to last summer where I was quite certain I had it all...


Honesty Sucks

Posted by LexieB , 25 June 2010 · 168 views

It has been over a month now since the one year anniversary. I think I'm good with it now - with the idea of another anniversary happening next year. Acceptance. I think that is what it is. Maybe a little of something else incorporated in with these feelings. I don't really know. But, it is coming along.

I've wanted so badly to be on here the...


Burn, Baby, Burn

Posted by LexieB , 21 May 2010 · 102 views

I was worried I wouldn't find the 'right' way to commemorate yesterday...that worry existed two days ago. I wanted it to be perfect and that felt right. But, I also wanted it to not be something that would remind me everyday about what happened - because I do believe this is something that I won't always think about daily.

Instead, I dr...


It Stings

Posted by LexieB , 20 May 2010 · 90 views

That magical day - as if not admitting to the day would make it less real or less painful. Actually, initially I did not admit the day for fear of anonymity. Like that makes sense? Who was going to trace me to my physical form based on a date? Oh well, sometimes I get weird ideas in my head and they just stick. Anyways, that elusive day was a year ago tod...


Blog Creation

Posted by LexieB , 17 May 2010 · 109 views

I created my blog eight months ago from tomorrow. It was meant only as a way to vent and process my story of what Throckmorten did to me. Instead, I've used it as a way to vent and talk about tons of things that have happened to me over the past eight months...many of which I never would've imagined would exist when I started writing.

It is ext...

A Friendly Trigger Warning

Warning:I just wanted to warn anyone that meanders into my blog that I am not fully censoring it. There may be some details that either trigger you or are too graphic. It all depends on who you are and what you already know to determine if my stuff actually qualifies for this warning. I will also go ahead and warn you of potential cussing...though I really am not in the habit of doing that much.

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