Pandora's Aquarium: Weeks that Come - Pandora's Aquarium

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LexieB and jmsclayton like this

My First Bad Truth

26 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
I was six years old. I know because I still owned this ugly peach make-up compartment holder that held all of my most prized hair ribbons and scrunchies; thus, it had to have been before the flood. I was putting away the container under the bathroom sink. I wasn't still supposed to be awake, but I had sneaked into the bathroom to pick out a...
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History Defined

25 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
History is not actually always the history that would be agreed upon and perceived by all. The winning party gets to write the history books. It is a one-sided account of what happened. It is not fair; rarely does anyone attempt to write an unbiased explanation. Why is that so? Are we so afraid to truly look at what we've done and see how it...
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Cake or Bread?

24 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
The debate for the evening: shall I eat cake or shall I eat bread? Both - fresh baked and made from scratch - envelop the room with such a decadent aroma. And yet, as I try to decide just what would fill me, I am reminded of the often misquoted phrase that was not actually uttered by Marie-Antoinette. I wonder, how much of my life was misquoted?...
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What is a Word?

22 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
If a word is merely what we create it to mean, then any word could essentially mean anything. That is why we have created an understanding of what each word will represent contextually. I mean, if we don't, we would all live in a 1-D box, a void where no one actually communicates with each other. We'd exist in a world where we all talk[i]...
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Venom Stings

21 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
As often I like to do, I start by not talking abouit the reason for this entry - avoidance is always an effective method for dealing with things, right? The day, when viewed as a whole instead of divided in its pieces, was quite nice. I worked on honing my skills of oil changing for my car - or, well, at least my skills for lifting my car with a...
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Wherefore Art Thou?

17 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
Where oh where is my Sookie cat? I cannot find her anywhere. As a matter of fact, I couldn't find the other cat that has laid claim to Gabby and Tyler's house either. I don't know where the cats are. They (Tyler and Gabby) left for the weekend. They aren't supposed to be there. I was supposed to be able to jump the fence and...
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Things to Accomplish

17 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
Okay, so here is my list of objectives for the day:
[list][*]Go to the grocery store - check[*]Weed the backyard - check[*]Work on my HR project - check[*]Braid a bunch of little girl's hair for a wedding - check[*]Go recapture my Sookie kitty - Now, let's...
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Psychological Profile

17 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
To go to pharmacy school, there are applications and tests and prerequisites and tons of forms that fully scare you and make you sure you aren't going to actually get accepted. And then, I got accepted. Unfortunately, the fears just seem to have shifted. Now, instead of filling out papers that may make it so that I could not go to the...
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Embarrassment

15 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
Okay - word to the wise: don't publish things at four in the morning unless you are absolutely certain you won't be filled with embarrassment later in the day. Oh wait, I'm the one that needed to have read that memo.

So, here is the deal. Yes, what I said last night - er, um - really, this morning was not inaccurate. On the other...
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Cycles

15 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
Well, I'm awake. It is nearly four in the morning and I've been awake almost an hour. The sad thing is that I've seen half my family this morning and talked with them - in coherent sentences. When did my family become nocturnal?

Okay, I'd totally love to blame my lack of sleep on Throck, but for once, my lack of sleeping is a...
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Posted by LexieB  
In order to speak of my new stealth-like secret agent plans, I feel as though I should quickly update those who don't know why I need to steal my own kitty back to me - or rather, steal me back to her.

I used to be friends with these people - Gabby and Tyler. I used to watch their children nearly everyday. I intended to help them out a...
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What I'd Change

13 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
I'm thankful to have done most things in my life exactly as I want - and to not even have a glimmer of a desire to change them. But, sometimes I wonder if I'm deluding myself. Would I really change nothing? Am I really happy everything happened? If I knew better, would I find a way to stop something from happening or make something happen...
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Divorce?

12 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
My mom and dad divorced some years ago. I wasn't devastated by the news that it was going to happen. In fact, I recommended that they do it to my mom before she filed. My dad was abusive and psychotic and my mom really needed to get away. I try hard to relate to people whose parents divorced when they were kids and I just don't feel...
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Intimacy Information

12 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
My attempts to talk to my mom about my rape have essentially fallen on deaf ears over the past few months. I'm not complaining. I'm just stating the facts. Well, what is odd about it is my mom's sudden new openness with me about intimacy and sexuality. As a unit, we're basically ignoring the facts and implications about what Throck...
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Exhibitionists

11 July 2010
Posted by LexieB  
I just came back from living with exhibitionists for a week. It may sound as though I'm exaggerating this a little bit, but I swear I'm not. The two primary offenders were a five year old girl, Ann, and a seven year old boy, Matt. And the ironic part about the experience is that I feel more comfortable with my body after this week.

A...
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Reading My Own Truths

27 June 2010
Posted by LexieB  
After last weeks events, I started wondering what I was thinking last summer - and even more, what I was feeling. I remember what happened, but I know it is clouded by my newer experiences and understandings of what happened. I'm also clouded by an actual understanding of what happened - as opposed to last summer where I was quite certain I...
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Honesty Sucks

25 June 2010
Posted by LexieB  
It has been over a month now since the one year anniversary. I think I'm good with it now - with the idea of another anniversary happening next year. Acceptance. I think that is what it is. Maybe a little of something else incorporated in with these feelings. I don't really know. But, it is coming along.

I've wanted so badly to be on...
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Burn, Baby, Burn

21 May 2010
Posted by LexieB  
I was worried I wouldn't find the 'right' way to commemorate yesterday...that worry existed two days ago. I wanted it to be perfect and that felt right. But, I also wanted it to not be something that would remind me everyday about what happened - because I do believe this is something that I won't always think about...
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It Stings

20 May 2010
Posted by LexieB  
That magical day - as if not admitting to the day would make it less real or less painful. Actually, initially I did not admit the day for fear of anonymity. Like that makes sense? Who was going to trace me to my physical form based on a date? Oh well, sometimes I get weird ideas in my head and they just stick. Anyways, that elusive day was a year...
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Blog Creation

17 May 2010
Posted by LexieB  
I created my blog eight months ago from tomorrow. It was meant only as a way to vent and process my story of what Throckmorten did to me. Instead, I've used it as a way to vent and talk about tons of things that have happened to me over the past eight months...many of which I never would've imagined would exist when I started...
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LexieB and jmsclayton like this

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About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

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