Kaitlyn's blog

Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!

Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.

You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.

porcelain_imperfection likes this

Years behind me...

13 July 2011

Posted by Kaitlyn

So much time has passed... life has changed... I have changed...

I am going back to school in the fall. Despite all the mistakes I have made, despite the black mark on my past, they accepted me and I have another chance. And now, maybe, I have meaning. Now, it is not just academics. Now, it is every part of my being. The whole stupid...

Read Full Entry →

Tags: change, adversity, death

Icon 1 Comments

Going through the motions

01 September 2006

Posted by Kaitlyn

I wish I could describe how I feel right now, if only for having it down on paper when I try to remember later... Alone, maybe a little on the edge of panic or overly anxious (why?), not wanting to sleep, not wanting to do anything, actually.

Go through the motions but not caring, no meaning. One of the questions I was supposed to anser for T...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

T and deservability

31 August 2006

Posted by Kaitlyn

Just got back from T this morning and I'm not sure what to make of it. We were talking about deservability (mostly her talking) and where my current beliefs came from. It's a hard concept for me to grasp, that I deserve anything at all... She was pretty much dead on about everything- kind of scary, felt like she was in my head.

She...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

scared... don't wanna go

30 August 2006

Posted by Kaitlyn

OMG... I am NOT going to have an anxiety attack over this stupid dr appt. Until I know what it will involve, why get myself all worked up about it? Yeah right, like that's going to work. I don't want to go. Don't wanna! :hissyfit:

This stupid appt has been scheduled since June so I can't just not go and I can't cancel...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

bothered by appt

27 August 2006

Posted by Kaitlyn

I wish I had a laptop... it's usually when I'm not at home when the need to journal arises and I can't seem to write by hand fast enough to get everything out. When I type, i can let myself be disconnected from the hurts and feelings... mindless tapping. But anyway... no sense in wishing for what I can't afford right now.

My...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

guilt and forgiveness

04 June 2006

Posted by Kaitlyn

This is something my former T gave to me last year... and I just came across it yesterday... spent some time reflecting on how hard it actually is for me to do this.

[b][i]When you have guilt, you reinforce the feelings of being not okay. You lose your confidence and self-respect. You feel undeserving and you hold yourself back.

The key to...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 1 Comments

EMDR and reflections

30 December 2005

Posted by Kaitlyn

It's been a long day (and I guess now that's over since it's after midnight) but there's a lot on my mind. Life... and everything is so overwhelming that I can't (or don't want to) even begin. Lately that's been a problem for me. With a lot of things... writing in, journalling, cleaning, trying to study. I don't...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

car troubles

12 November 2005

Posted by Kaitlyn

(copied from my life)

One of my worst fears came true the other night. I walked out of work and to my car, stuck the key in the lock and realized that my car was dead. The automatic locks wouldn't work. I got in, tried to start it... no luck there. So I went back inside and asked everyone still there if they could give me a jump. NO one...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 1 Comments

more rambling

10 November 2005

Posted by Kaitlyn

I made an appt with the guidance counselor today where I'm doing the online courses... because I can't keep up and if I don't do something now, I'll end up retaking the courses next term.

I waited all week to do my coursework and then why am I surprised when I can't get it done before the deadline at midnight... The deal...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 2 Comments

mess... of my life

09 November 2005

Posted by Kaitlyn

I am close to dissolving into a puddle of tears and emotional mess... it's thinking about going back to school again. Can I do it? I go to work and tell them that yet I'm going back to school in the fall... am I a liar?

No explanation for being so overemotional... all I did was call one school and find out they didn't take...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 2 Comments

left work early

25 October 2005

Posted by Kaitlyn

Home from work earlier... otherwise I would have gone OT and they can't let that happen of course :hissyfit:

But it's probably a good thing... driving to and from work today, I was scaring myself because I had a terrible time keeping my eyes open and focused on the road... and... I didn't care. I wanted so badly to lay my head down and...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

can't do this on my own

23 October 2005

Posted by Kaitlyn

so, I'm back... for how long, I don't know.

Don't especially feel like writing an "update" entry, but did want to write about this... A couple of nights ago, I was driving home from work on one of those little backroad highways. It was pitch black and suddenly he was right in front of me... a deer, just standing in the...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 2 Comments

Weekly schedule

17 October 2005

Posted by Kaitlyn

Monday:
--10-6:30pm: work
--7:30pm: Bible study
--call Bev

Tuesday:
--10-6:30pm: work

Wednesday:
--9-5:30pm: work

Thursday:
--9:30am: T
--11:30-8pm: work

Friday:
--11:30-8pm: work

Saturday:
--9-5: work

Icon 0 Comments

lazy

16 October 2005

Posted by Kaitlyn

I slept for almost the entirity of sunday :hissyfit:

you have got to be kidding... lucky I woke up before midnight to quick complete my adssingment and test for this week so they wouldn't be late...

ugh... now i really am going ot be up all night!

Icon 0 Comments

survived today

14 October 2005

Posted by Kaitlyn

So I made it through today. The people I'm working with seem nice and friendly and the patient population is so *different* from the BS I've been putting up with for the last two months. But I can't imagine how I'm going to feel going from 20 hrs/wk to 40, jsut like that.

so tired... damn psychiatrist didn't call back...

Read Full Entry →

Icon 1 Comments

porcelain_imperfection likes this

Back to blog home →