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Kaitlyn's blog


Years behind me...

Posted by Kaitlyn , 13 July 2011 · 81 views

So much time has passed... life has changed... I have changed...

I am going back to school in the fall. Despite all the mistakes I have made, despite the black mark on my past, they accepted me and I have another chance. And now, maybe, I have meaning. Now, it is not just academics. Now, it is every part of my being. The whole stupid saying, that...


Going through the motions

Posted by Kaitlyn , 01 September 2006 · 62 views

I wish I could describe how I feel right now, if only for having it down on paper when I try to remember later... Alone, maybe a little on the edge of panic or overly anxious (why?), not wanting to sleep, not wanting to do anything, actually.

Go through the motions but not caring, no meaning. One of the questions I was supposed to anser for T this week...


T and deservability

Posted by Kaitlyn , 31 August 2006 · 62 views

Just got back from T this morning and I'm not sure what to make of it. We were talking about deservability (mostly her talking) and where my current beliefs came from. It's a hard concept for me to grasp, that I deserve anything at all... She was pretty much dead on about everything- kind of scary, felt like she was in my head.

She asked me...


scared... don't wanna go

Posted by Kaitlyn , 30 August 2006 · 61 views

OMG... I am NOT going to have an anxiety attack over this stupid dr appt. Until I know what it will involve, why get myself all worked up about it? Yeah right, like that's going to work. I don't want to go. Don't wanna! :hissyfit: This stupid appt has been scheduled since June so I can't just not go and I can't cancel since it...


bothered by appt

Posted by Kaitlyn , 27 August 2006 · 62 views

I wish I had a laptop... it's usually when I'm not at home when the need to journal arises and I can't seem to write by hand fast enough to get everything out. When I type, i can let myself be disconnected from the hurts and feelings... mindless tapping. But anyway... no sense in wishing for what I can't afford right now.

My appt at the...


guilt and forgiveness

Posted by Kaitlyn , 04 June 2006 · 70 views

This is something my former T gave to me last year... and I just came across it yesterday... spent some time reflecting on how hard it actually is for me to do this.

When you have guilt, you reinforce the feelings of being not okay. You lose your confidence and self-respect. You feel undeserving and you hold yourself back.

The key to releasing guilt i...


EMDR and reflections

Posted by Kaitlyn , 30 December 2005 · 31 views

It's been a long day (and I guess now that's over since it's after midnight) but there's a lot on my mind. Life... and everything is so overwhelming that I can't (or don't want to) even begin. Lately that's been a problem for me. With a lot of things... writing in, journalling, cleaning, trying to study. I don't know......


car troubles

Posted by Kaitlyn , 12 November 2005 · 69 views

(copied from my life)

One of my worst fears came true the other night. I walked out of work and to my car, stuck the key in the lock and realized that my car was dead. The automatic locks wouldn't work. I got in, tried to start it... no luck there. So I went back inside and asked everyone still there if they could give me a jump. NO one had jump...


more rambling

Posted by Kaitlyn , 10 November 2005 · 86 views

I made an appt with the guidance counselor today where I'm doing the online courses... because I can't keep up and if I don't do something now, I'll end up retaking the courses next term.

I waited all week to do my coursework and then why am I surprised when I can't get it done before the deadline at midnight... The deal is... this...


mess... of my life

Posted by Kaitlyn , 09 November 2005 · 32 views

I am close to dissolving into a puddle of tears and emotional mess... it's thinking about going back to school again. Can I do it? I go to work and tell them that yet I'm going back to school in the fall... am I a liar?

No explanation for being so overemotional... all I did was call one school and find out they didn't take transfer studen...


left work early

Posted by Kaitlyn , 25 October 2005 · 26 views

Home from work earlier... otherwise I would have gone OT and they can't let that happen of course :angry:

But it's probably a good thing... driving to and from work today, I was scaring myself because I had a terrible time keeping my eyes open and focused on the road... and... I didn't care. I wanted so badly to lay my head down and shut my...


can't do this on my own

Posted by Kaitlyn , 23 October 2005 · 37 views

so, I'm back... for how long, I don't know.

Don't especially feel like writing an "update" entry, but did want to write about this... A couple of nights ago, I was driving home from work on one of those little backroad highways. It was pitch black and suddenly he was right in front of me... a deer, just standing in the middle of the r...


Weekly schedule

Posted by Kaitlyn , 17 October 2005 · 33 views

--10-6:30pm: work
--7:30pm: Bible study
--call Bev

--10-6:30pm: work

--9-5:30pm: work

--9:30am: T
--11:30-8pm: work

--11:30-8pm: work

--9-5: work



Posted by Kaitlyn , 16 October 2005 · 33 views

I slept for almost the entirity of sunday :blink: you have got to be kidding... lucky I woke up before midnight to quick complete my adssingment and test for this week so they wouldn't be late...

ugh... now i really am going ot be up all night!


survived today

Posted by Kaitlyn , 14 October 2005 · 37 views

So I made it through today. The people I'm working with seem nice and friendly and the patient population is so *different* from the BS I've been putting up with for the last two months. But I can't imagine how I'm going to feel going from 20 hrs/wk to 40, jsut like that.

so tired... damn psychiatrist didn't call back about the ro...

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