Pandora's Aquarium: Siren Song - Pandora's Aquarium

Jump to content

Donna Mae DePola - Guest Speaker Chat ...May 25th 2013 ... for more information please read this!

There is still plenty of time and spaces if you'd like to sign up for the Guest Speaker Chat scheduled for this Saturday!

Welcome to Pandora's Aquarium, a rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivor message board and chat room.
If you've been a victim of any type of sexual violence, you belong here. What you see below represents just a fraction of the resources and survivor support available. Register now to join our community and take full advantage of what this online support group has to offer you as you heal and recover, or sign in to remove this message.

You are not alone, we can support you as you heal, and you've made an important step toward recovery by reaching out. If you are unable to register or have any questions, please contact the staff or view our home page.

Guest Message © 2013 DevFuse

 
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]I feel self-conscious posting here since I don't use this blog any more.

Well, it's just, like, a public service announcement. When I DID used to blog here, people would sometimes ask me if I'd turn the tracking thingee on so they could receive emails of new entries. I was always hugely paranoid about that. ...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 1 Comments

Almost a Year

25 April 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]So it's been almost exactly a year since I started this blog, and over three months since I last wrote in it. I keep my blog elsewhere now, and have copied over this entire blog to the new place, which has finally started feeling more like home.

I'm not sure why I'm writing here now. Although I've settled...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Blog Relocation

30 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]This blog has moved to a new location.

If you'd like to continue reading, please go to Siren Song on Blogger.

Thanks, and sorry for the change.

If you've come to this page from Blogger in order to get the backstory, the easiest way to do that, in my opinion,...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 2 Comments

Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]Ah, the good old days.

When I first joined here, the default avatar (the second one shown above) was consistent across skins (whereas now the Pandora's Aquarium skin shows a stylized tree, and the IP.Board skin shows a slumpy-shouldered blue silhouette). As a way of both retaining my anonymity and advertising my...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 2 Comments

Blog Software Update Coming

19 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]Woo-hoo! Shannon just left a note on the previous entry about how she's put the order in for the IP Board people to come round and update Pandy's blogging software. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly, and most especially for an easy way to export, download, or save. I can't tell...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Synesthesia?

19 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]Synesthesia, hmm. I have heard of it, and even saw something about it once on the Discovery Channel, maybe a year or so ago. I never thought to apply it to my own situation, maybe because I had a lot of wrong information about it. Including the completely wrong idea that it was just another form of mysticism. I also...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 2 Comments

Ugh, Colors, Still

18 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]If you can imagine a thing to the point of being able to actually see it, it's not too hard to get your other senses involved. Anybody who's ever had a body memory knows what I'm talking about. A thing that isn't really there can have a texture, a smell, a sound. I have now and again imagined I can touch...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 8 Comments

Colors, Cont'd

18 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"](Still in progress)

Well, hurrah, dinner was a no-nonsense affair: I love leftovers, no cooking lessons, yay! And I didn't have to use up what I consider to be two good distracting questions. All I had to do was gather stuff and put it out, plates and whatnot. Around here mealtimes are verrrry casual, more of a...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 3 Comments

Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"](Still in progress)

I think of an "easy out" as a ready-made, relatively unexamined explanation that I fall back on, or default to, when I'm trying to make sense out of something I feel uncomfortable with.

Like, any time I feel unsure or uncomfortable in an online conversation, I automatically chalk it up to...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Easy Outs, Expanded

17 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]Prelude: Small moment of der. My list of easy-outs...despite comprising things I seem to default to as ways to explain stuff, also coincidentally seems to include most of the things I feel most uncomfortable talking about.

Which of course means it's probably healthy for me to try to talk about them, ugh.

Okay, once...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 2 Comments

Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]Something about rules. Just trying to think it through. I know I'm overly concerned with rules. With the explicit and unspoken rules that govern interpersonal communication, especially. I'm always afraid of finding out yet again that there's some "given" that I didn't know, an assumption or an...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 4 Comments

My Easy-Outs

17 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]I've been thinking a lot about this idea of guarding against getting overly precious about parts of my own pathology. Like, the thing about how I want to keep tabs on my own tendency to give air time only to the super-weird and freaky aspects of what happened with my uncle.

I'm trying to put new eyes on myself, to...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Puzzling Sundays

17 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]Diane and I have slowly felt our way along to a new Sunday morning ritual. We don't compete over the puzzle anymore...or at least not in as forthright a way. Instead, we work on the same puzzle. Like, collaborating, almost. I sit at the table and ask her clues while she's making breakfast, and then we switch...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 0 Comments

Small Revelations

16 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]Well, this is interesting. Okay, I've learned some things tonight:

[list=1]
[*]Happily, fake Diane's lack of response isn't about me.
[*]Yikes, the poet actually has been reading my blog!
[*]The fact that I learned #1 and #2 via an email the poet sent means I don't come across as too weird...
Read Full Entry →

Tags: lists, fake diane, fussing, diane, the poet

Icon 1 Comments

Postcards from the Id

16 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]Gee, what do you suppose it could mean?

Had a dream this morning about the whole poet/fake Diane thing. I dreamt the poet had been reading my blog as I wrote it, I mean all along, from the beginning, before I even knew she existed, and was still following it, and had decided after all this time to leave a comment to...
Read Full Entry →

Tags: fake diane, the poet, dreams, intuition

Icon 2 Comments

Balancing

15 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]Don't know if I can say this in a way that makes sense...though that's never stopped me before, ha. Recently I've been tentatively exploring a couple of support forums specifically for people who've been hurt by sociopaths. Thinking, maybe I can get some insights from people who've had experiences...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 2 Comments

Happiness Is...

15 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]Things that make me happy:

[list]
[*]sunshine, air, rain, snow: all the elements, and how they feel on skin
[*]my useless malingering runt cat
[*]hot-tubbing in the winter, skinny-dipping in the summer
[*]my heated mattress pad
[*]when I beat Diane in backgammon so bad that she starts swearing and calling me a rotten...
Read Full Entry →

Tags: lists

Icon 2 Comments

Emotional Emesis

14 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]I'm trying to stay positive and mature about this, but I have to admit, if only to myself, I'm starting to feel very sad and unsure about the lack of response from fake Diane.

I sent the email on Monday, I think, like over a week ago. The letter went out last Wednesday. I know I'm feeling disappointed too...
Read Full Entry →

Tags: fake diane, the poet, fussing, insecurity

Icon 2 Comments

Breakthrough?

14 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]I think I had a little breakthrough last night, or some movement, at least, with this nightmare stuff. The nightmares that aren't really nightmares. For the first time -- other than that bodywork moment with Ellen -- I got a piece of it. It was so quick, just enough time for a blink or a breath, but I didn't...
Read Full Entry →

Tags: nightmares, healing, sequelae

Icon 0 Comments

Patterns

13 January 2010
Posted by Siren  
[font="Arial"]Still trying to make sense of the uncle stuff, and I just wanted to list the bare bones here while they're in my head.

Other patterns I've figured out about what happened with him:

[list]
[*]He liked creating situations where I had to choose between alternatives, all of which were bad. And, more to the point, he...
Read Full Entry →

Icon 1 Comments

 

Back to blog home →
  • 16 Pages +
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • Last »

About my blog

This is basically my space to spill out everything I'm thinking and feeling.

Please note that some of the content here may be triggering.

What I write here is just me being honest with myself. Mostly just venting about things, realisations, and my path through healing.

There will be talk of CSA, SA, R, SI and ED here.

Recent Entries

Recent Comments


Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.