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In my head



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Just back from T...

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 27 September 2011 · 44 views

Still not liking her at the moment. Some thing about seeing her just bring up so much anger in me, and she expects me to sit there and openup to her... not happening. And then today, something I wasn't expecting form her at all, sarcastic comments about what I have in my hands... Hmmm... not helpful.

Then I got the feeling like she was talking down...


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A Game with the T

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 25 September 2011 · 36 views

So due to my T dropping a bomb on me, my opinion of her and our relationship is not well at the moment. I've reverted to being this juvenille, testy little girl. I can't answer questions without her answering one. I deflect, redirect everything and then there is the testing. I know its silly because its my care and I should be in control of it....


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And ur a Doctor?

Posted by lostinsideofme , in My Stories 24 September 2011 · 46 views

Ok so where to begin...


So I take my kids to the doctors yesterday morning, after working a 16hour shift and being up for a total of 20something hours.

I sit there with the two of them aggravating each other, waiting for over an hour for the doctor, even though this was the first appointment of the day...

When the doc finally comes in, i tell her all...


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Ending soon...

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 20 September 2011 · 45 views

My t is leaving soon. Sometime in December. Far too soon if you ask me. Right in the midst of two MAJOR anniversaries. MAJOR anniversaries. The first time my uncle abused me and the loss of my baby girl. Damn just typing that makes me want to jump off a bridge.





So IDK what I'm going to do. I'm thinking when she tells me her last day, I might...


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Stressful T Session

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 20 September 2011 · 46 views

I'm sad. I busted my neck tryin to make it to therapy on time today, managed to make it there early only to have my therapist be 10 minutes late.

But to hear the things we talked about. She tells me that she thinks I should be on meds. That I should try this treatment plan, blah blah blah. That i'm not vested in my care. Reminding me that she...


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Standing on the Edge

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 18 September 2011 · 57 views

If i hear one more piece of bad news, its over for me. I can't take it anymore.

Yesterday I get a phone call from my sister letting me know that my brother ran away from his foster home. Then I get him on the phone crying in my ear begging me to rescue him... Here I am standing at the barbershop in tears because I cant and I dont know how.

Today......


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Positivity

Posted by lostinsideofme , 18 September 2011 · 37 views

Someone told me to focus on the positive things in my life. To make a list... So here goes...

My son. :)


Wow that was fun...


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A Letter to Myself

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 18 September 2011 · 38 views

Found this in one of my notebooks from years ago, posting it because its still so real:


Everyone hates me. They all do it and I know it. I wake up everyone morning wondering why I had to wake up again and who decided I should be born. But that's ok let them hate me. Who gives a fuck because no one can hate me more than me. That's right I said i...


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Bring Mommy Back

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Therapy 15 September 2011 · 43 views

right now, my quandary is how to deal with my family. My brother was placed in a foster home and childrens services wont talk to me because I'm not his mom and he wasn't placed with me. And my sister is being very limited with the information she's giving me. Its killing me to know that he is out there somewhere. And to hear my sister say he...


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Rescue Me

Posted by lostinsideofme , 13 September 2011 · 31 views

Take me away from these thoughts. From these feelings. From ungrateful, inconsiderate bastards who surround me. From this pain. From this sickness. From these responsibilities. From this desire to please everyone. From everything. From this world. From this life. Please. Take me away :cry:


I don't deserve to be here.






Guide to my world

I put up a general *TRIGGER WARNING* for all those who read. This is me being as real as I can get, trying not to hold back. Working through memories and life's challenges in the aftermath.

Contents:
Randomness tends to have the most content, but I warn you, it gets pretty random.

When I find more courage, My stories, will have more content. For now walk with my through my therapeutic adventures and rants.

School sucks, but at least its finally over.

Emotions, Memories are full of raw emotion.

Recently I've been Exploring My Sexuality

Welcome to my world.~lost~

What I'm Pondering

How do you overcome something that has been ingrained in you? Is it possible, or is it like fighting against your genes?

How on earth do turkeys get their fat asses in the air?

If I evolved from a primate, how come I've forgotten how to climb a tree?

Who can fry an egg on a sidewalk? I can barely fry an egg in a pan.

March 2015

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.