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Where is the "How To Be A Lesbian for Dummies" book?

Posted by lostinsideofme , in Exploring 14 January 2012 · 429 views

I don't even know where to begin. If you follow me then you know this has been quite a process. But I guess I should say, here I am this AM after having spent almost an entire week with a girl I like, and feeling very satisfied (for now. I'm sure my high will wear off soon).

I think so far one of the hardest things I've faced while trying to figure myself out is how to spot one out in a crowd. Seems I keep finding girls like me, girls who are questioning, or bi or just like to party no matter whose on the other end. Which is considerably difficult when you ard trying to figure yourself out.

Then what do you do when you think you've found one?

Its hard...

But on to the fun part. I like this girl. trying not to get to excited about the whole thing because, well, I don't think she's in it for the same reasons. She is very open and willing, but she talks about boyfriends and stuff. So its a very best hard to read her. She sounds like I did a year ago. Unsure of herself, but testing things out, though she's a little bit more out there than I was. Hopefully, if nothing else, this experience helps me find out a little more about myself.

hey there,

I am 56 yo and been a very out lesbian since I was 35ish. I guess I should say a very out bi since then. I progressed from "I'm not going to rule out that there could be a perfect man out there who could drop into my lap to: "lesbian": there is no such thing as the perfect man for me. I only will ever be attracted to women from here on.

as for how to find a lesbian in the crowd. I have a "I'm 56 looking for another 50ish year old". I look for the short, overweight, grey hair, denim and flannel, no makeup, comfortable shoes...

but then again, I am rather androgenous and not attracted to fems or strong butches either. that makes it a little harder for me as well. Depending on where you live, like where I live - finding a lesbian is easy. Finding the RIGHT one is not so much.

keep writing. It will be fun to read your progress as you test the waters. for now, it's not about her. it's about you. figure out who YOU are, what "type" you are more attracted to then don't lock out anyone. lesbians like all women are very different from each other and who you are attracted to, like with men, will turn out to be a "type" of person. Learning what type attracts you will make things easier. Developing "gadar" will help as well. can't teach it but you will learn it. granted, if you are younger, gadar might not work as well as there are many "testing the waters" as well. But it's ok for you to be with someone else also testing the waters right? don't rule out bi women. Some of the biggest supports I had when coming out were my bi friends. the bi community is a strong community in many places - esp the boston area. A great place to be among people who are more than "tolerant" of differences. I personally hate the word tolerance. I want to be fully accepted NOT tolerated. huh? keep searching and seeking. we at pandys can support you thru this time. GLBT community is large here. hope you are writing there as well. I need to visit that section more. be. Posted Image
Jan 14 2012 06:00 PM
Thank you BeBold. I have posted in that forum... though i don't think its widely read.

I am 25. In my age bracket, I don't think i would be able to find someone who fits your description. And yes, its seems like everyone's in the experimental phase.

but hey we can explore together
Jan 14 2012 06:58 PM
Hey lostinsideofme,

I'm bisexual (and currently dating a male... so I feel like such a hypocrite writing this!) and I've felt a similar frustration with dating bisexual girls.... I've felt that they never really take me seriously because I'm a girl, but we have more emotional intimacy, trust and mutual attraction than they seem to with the guys they choose over me. It's tough. Really, really tough to make yourself that vulnerable to a person when you don't know if they'll choose not to be with you over something like that.

Good luck with this girl... a good relationship takes alot of luck to find, it seems.
Jan 15 2012 12:48 AM
Hey, if you find that guidebook let me know.... I have absolutely nothing useful to say on this subject, but wanted to let you know I'm around and listening.
Jan 16 2012 03:39 PM
Honestly, anything is help. I am standing at a crossroads, and have been sort of stagnant for about a year. I stopped seeing men about 2 years ago and pursued a relationship with a female, which ended kind of abruptly as she was just looking for a fling while her partner was away (army). Since then I haven't been in a relationship, doing a bit of soul searching and finding myself no where.

I think right now I've been with just as many females as males, give or take 1 or 2. And right now I feel most comfortable with the females. Most comfortable, but less adventurous. And I feel like, having to always put the words "right now" in between how i feel is some indication that maybe this isn't right.

My dad, is supportive of any relationship, i mean i'm sure if i told him i was in love with a dog he'd say congrats. My mom on the other hand is very very homophobic and chastises me for even the idea that i might like females. I don't have any lesbian friends, but I think my circle of friends are very open and accepting.

I'm not so much worried about wha tthe world will think. I'm ok with being different, i'm just worried abotu me.

Guide to my world

I put up a general *TRIGGER WARNING* for all those who read. This is me being as real as I can get, trying not to hold back. Working through memories and life's challenges in the aftermath.

Randomness tends to have the most content, but I warn you, it gets pretty random.

When I find more courage, My stories, will have more content. For now walk with my through my therapeutic adventures and rants.

School sucks, but at least its finally over.

Emotions, Memories are full of raw emotion.

Recently I've been Exploring My Sexuality

Welcome to my world.~lost~

What I'm Pondering

How do you overcome something that has been ingrained in you? Is it possible, or is it like fighting against your genes?

How on earth do turkeys get their fat asses in the air?

If I evolved from a primate, how come I've forgotten how to climb a tree?

Who can fry an egg on a sidewalk? I can barely fry an egg in a pan.

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