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LivinginHistory



That night

Posted by , 16 June 2005 · 44 views

:tear: This isnt about the night of the rape..its about the night that went oh so wrong.***Its a late fall day..sometime in October,or was it early November.I cant remember.I know it was in Oxford and the event was running the same weekend as Brick House in NY.I know it was raining all day and it made the field wetter than usual.I also know it was the cu...


Am I truly scared?

Posted by , 14 June 2005 · 37 views

Aack..its coming midnite.Ive driven home after an 11 hour shift.Thoughts of this weekend are just pouring through my mind.Will I be able to hide the emotions running through me?Will people understand and let me work out where and when and how I will need to be as I reclaim this piece of my world?Am I making decisions on next weeks trip to Fort Ti rationa...


tossing and turning all night

Posted by , 14 June 2005 · 43 views

What if What if I go and Im really really not safe what if I go and they come over to our placewill I be safeWill it work, what if I fail?Will the others see the anguish as it flashes through my eyes?I want this more than anything.I want to feel Dixie in my soulI feel like a colt just being saddled, spraddle legged at the sudden weight of a rider,even tho...


Reclaiming a missing piece

Posted by , 13 June 2005 · 39 views

I have a very sweet opportunity this weekend.Its about taking back something I lost that was so very precious.I lost it because of t he rape.I lost it because someone was insanely cruel.I think the pain of the loss of being able to DO the American Civil War after being raped was a deeper darker more sharper death than the death of my being during the ra...


last one for the day I swear

Posted by , 09 June 2005 · 41 views

I think this is the last one ,as its my last opportunity to vent as I am going to spend the weekend at the states Special Olympics and its going to be a pain.I swear my job though it does help, its a career covered in a thin layer of tulle, in hopes that we will all be seen as happy and good.ANd its not ~ its a sheerness that covers the dreary day to day...


Poem

Posted by , 09 June 2005 · 43 views

UntitledHead Held High With eyes glassylooking no wheretears course down to cleanse an open woundtorn with words flung mercilesslytearing and stingingthe hot flesh as the pain turns tonumbnessIt is an old woundLong protectednever fully openedto understandtheburning of a twisted and wretched soulI wrote this a loong time ago..when words healed me and help...


Fighting

Posted by , 09 June 2005 · 41 views

Im fighting myself in a most horrid way..I push my love away..push push push in such a way that I dont even know myself anymore.I wish this emptiness would make sense.In so many ways Im lucky...he loves me to the bone,he doesnt hurt me, he holds me each and every night.And yet that love doesnt seem to fill the void that endless aching canyon which is fi...


Bliss...pure and simple

Posted by , 05 June 2005 · 44 views

Not many people can say that being covered in dirt, wearing damp paddock boots, coated in sweat -both horse and human,up for 11 hours running between warm up rings and the show pen,and sun burned can be considered Bliss.But I do.And having been seperated from the show ring and all of its toil and dirt from a year or so,I thoroughly enjoyed the day.It all...


Work

Posted by , 31 May 2005 · 48 views

It seems as of late that all I do is fight work..its getting stressful to be pushed in upon and not have respect.Responsibility is a given, you dont just take and run and let the rest deal...its a TEAM effort and its so hard when one of the team members just drop the ball and then become rude about it.


Chat

Posted by , 30 May 2005 · 44 views

:blink: I keep going in chat and it seems like no ones in there.Prolly there is , its just I may be going in there on off times..Just a ponderance.






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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.