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A Flowering Rose


All Shaky...Afraid of the Inside of Me

Posted by FloweringRose , 13 December 2010 · 67 views

Okay, so hopefully no one gets alienated by the mention of hypnosis. But it's a big part of what I do, so it can't be avoided.

My mom tried to get me to hypnotize a family friend today. All I feel is nervous and jumpy just thinking of it. I have to go into trance to get a good hypnotic state going; and NO I don't feel like going into trance r...


Happy that People Actually Care

Posted by FloweringRose , 13 December 2010 · 64 views

I am so glad for the loving people here and in real life I have. There are truly some diamonds amongst all the people I've known.

Today I had some pretty bad flashbacks. It's weird, when I dissociate into that state I see it *so* clearly and feel it all over me; and then I revert back to "me" and I'm just fine. DID I guess. But still,...


Ashamed of Me...

Posted by FloweringRose , 12 December 2010 · 94 views

I need to go back to therapy probably. I mean I posted I would for us a while back; SHOULD'VE. But was too scared.

Am still too scared.

But all I can feel is the depression trying to drag me back under. It just seems to affect so much of my life. The fact people drift away...that my mind gets all foggy and I can't bring myself to write, to do wo...


My Mind Is All Foggy :(

Posted by FloweringRose , 10 December 2010 · 67 views

I can't tell what's reality half the time.

I just feel like I'm swimming through all these crazy thoughts, literally drowning inside my skin. I'm just this floating consciousness but it's not nice, it's like I have no feet so I can't stand and I just can't find anything solid to hold onto.

I think about how I have a brain...


Exploring My Phrase "I Guess.."

Posted by FloweringRose , 09 December 2010 · 57 views

So after reading through a lot of my poetry, in the hopes I can salvage some of the hundreds of pieces into a real memoir, I noticed a phrase I use continuously in my poetry.

"I guess..."

It may seem unprofessional to some, or unpoetic to others. But I really have trouble taking this phrase out of certain lines.
Since for me honestly this is *so...


If You Really Knew Me...

Posted by FloweringRose , 08 December 2010 · 90 views

If you really knew me, you'd see the pain buried underneath my eyes. You'd know that sometimes when I say "I'm okay", I'm too busy trying to calm myself out of a panic to truthfully answer the "how are you" you've just asked. And you'd know that I'm not keeping it from you because I don't care for you or bec...


Sending My Love To *Everyone*

Posted by FloweringRose , 08 December 2010 · 62 views

I am tired of watching people slip out of my life, from dissociation, from distance, from time and from just dealing with all my emotions.

It is so hard sometimes for me to keep in contact with people. My social anxieties, my phone anxieties and often my email anxieties only make it worse. and when the depression gets and I feel like curling up and disap...


Continued Anger...

Posted by FloweringRose , 05 December 2010 · 69 views

I think I'm going to officially duck off facebook soon. Why? It just makes things worse.

Now my dad's hanging out with girls my age. Can't even phone me or talk to me and yet he can talk to other girls who look like me, and my age??? He's 39, I'm 18..
The f**king pervert...

I don't need him in my life!!
I just wish he cou...


The Irony is Making Me Angry/Sad :(

Posted by FloweringRose , 04 December 2010 · 56 views

So there's this event on facebook where to stand up against child abuse you change your dp to a favorite kid's show...and I took it as the perfect opportunity to introduce our contest and get people voting for Pandy's!

So I was ok with it...until I noticed through a friend's profile M, my ex, had changed his picture too.

The sad part...


I'm Done "Just Forgetting It"

Posted by FloweringRose , 02 December 2010 · 80 views

I'm not brave enough to post this in the creativity forum. I don't feel like it's worth reading...
So I'll post it here. Since I kind of do want it heard.

They say don't remember the past.
But how can you not when the past is you in so many ways? When you crawl and stink of those treacherous acts? When you never breathed a name into...

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