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A Flowering Rose



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SA Draining My Self/Intelligence?

Posted by FloweringRose , 29 December 2010 · 21 views

This is NOT meant to insult. This is just me bashing on myself and no one else in their healing process is included.

I feel like dealing with all this sh*t and not repressing the memories has reduced my IQ, both emotionally and intellectually. I KNOW this doesn't make any sense; but I feel I've been so concentrated on my emotions and memories and...


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Mental Instability? :(

Posted by FloweringRose , 26 December 2010 · 18 views

I am a mess, a constant blubbering mess. Looking out the window today all these thoughts raced...so real one second, not so much the next. Trying to write this now before it's lost, but still can feel it fading what I knew was true then and will be true again.

Just can't help but drift strangely through consciousness. Sometimes I feel what I thin...


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Christmas hurts, sigh

Posted by FloweringRose , 25 December 2010 · 18 views

People don't understand why I hate Christmas. Actually, I barely understand why I hate Christmas too... I have ideas and bad memories, but still, the repellant feeling it creates inside me is something that just seems outside of the spectrum of logic.

Everyone wants me to love Christmas. Enjoy it, be merry, have fun. I dare to say it, but having to g...


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It's Not Us, Just Them.

Posted by FloweringRose , 24 December 2010 · 15 views

So slowly coming back to Pandy's as the stir of this situation with my girlfriend and the holidays slows down. We had a rough go last night, going to a party we probably were not prepared for but overall we were safe and okay. Otherwise it's been an okay few days, and was thinking of something from that party and realizing it's true.

There wa...


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Trouble Sleeping+Other Stress

Posted by FloweringRose , 20 December 2010 · 16 views

What a holiday season huh?

Today girlfriend who is now back in my area called me in an emergency state. I was actually nervous enough I set up a safety plan with the boyfriend, in case the cops would need to get involved or if I'd be in danger. But luckily he left, thank god!! And the mom's willing to take her back for now which is at lea...


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Living with Others-Difficult For Us :(

Posted by FloweringRose , 18 December 2010 · 25 views

You know, you would think living with your parents would be the most easy and natural thing in the world for people.

It doesn't feel that way for us. (P.S. very co-conscious so will almost entirely use we)

Really wish we could afford to move out, because honestly TIRED of letting down the people we live with. Burdening them, taking their roof, their...


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Venting For Us

Posted by FloweringRose , 17 December 2010 · 19 views

I/we need to do board duties, it's known. And promise it'll happen...but just need to get some things out.

There's a strange high and low happening in the system right now. At one point, introduced the thought that well, we survived and now let's make it for a reason. That it's good we made it, and that we have a future to look to; be...


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Thinking of Too Many Things..Sigh

Posted by FloweringRose , 16 December 2010 · 16 views

This time of year always sends me for a head spin. I wonder if the month of december or January will ever be happy ones for me? Perhaps...

But I guess I got what I wished for. To remember my past and deal with that rather than my ex M. It took a while, but it's here. And the dissociation has been incredibly horrible, and I get all these freaky flashe...


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Story of My Mind

Posted by FloweringRose , 15 December 2010 · 23 views

There's some things in life we don't want to survive through.

There's some things that leave us writhing in psychosis and denial, scrambling for just a taste of reality wrapped in relief. But reality is a much sharper blade than that; the flashbacks are all too much a real brand for a suffering that is otherworldly in its magnitude.

Nights l...


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If Only I Could Clean This

Posted by FloweringRose , 14 December 2010 · 23 views

I wish I was good at making things "spotless". Nothing ever seems to get cleaned around me; I'm just this magnet for messes, house messes, accident messes, personal messes, messes of all sorts.

And I scrub and scrub but nothing ever seems to get less. Sometimes it just gets more cluttered. And I get so overwhelmed, so drained of energy, I jus...






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