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My Current Low =/

Posted by FloweringRose , 22 January 2011 · 88 views

"It rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong,
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're not
...Back up baby back up...did you forget everything?!"

I'm not winning right now. I slipped up last night with SI, not too badly. But I found the tool that I wanted....
It's sick how excited I got :S

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Nights are getting harder. Barely sleep.
I don't know what's flashbacks or imaginings.
This is all.

Oh and I *swore* I responded to posts in the SI forum, my messages here, on facebook, emails.
Turns out that was *all* in my head. =/ I swore I typed them £$@£$!@$^$£ SIGH. So absentminded.

I hope it gets better. Only feel good when I'm volunteering. At least I have that :)
Love the deaf home I'm at.

I just...want this to go down...to hurt less.
It hurts too much to remember....
I just want to sleep and never get out of bed. But sleeping I get shot at and my neck shocks of pain and Q-Q. Yes I hate my dreams.

SIGH.
Just need to feel better...



(((FloweringRose))) I understand how you feel. I know what it's like to come across your "tools", and how hard it becomes to resist. I'm sending you good thoughts, hugs, and wishes of peace. I hope the flashbacks go away. I hate how they like to sneak attack. I doesn't make healing any easier.
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Shinybuttons
Jan 22 2011 01:22 PM
We all have slip ups from time to time with SI, its all power for the course. Dont come down so hard on yourself.
It will go down, will hurt less, but the thing is, you need to experience that hurt first before your mind feels able to let some of that hurt go. I know it is a cliché, and it bugs the life out of me when people say it to me, but it takes time, and it takes allowing yourself to feel bad.

You have an amazing positive going on right now. You are doing something that makes you feel good, and in turn, you are giving so much to a very worthy cause. Well done.
Try to focus your energies on that as much as you can.

I hope you settle a bit soon.

Here and listening,
Buttons :)

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