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Everyone wants me to love Christmas. Enjoy it, be merry, have fun. I dare to say it, but having to go through the motions of the thing and force myself to family occasions feels like being very hurt emotionally. I don't know why, it's not like they're hurting me (now) or saying anything at all or even that it's that much to do. But it's like even associating with this time of year and trying to make it something good is enough to make me feel *sick* inside. Like I want to be physically nauseous just thinking of celebrating Christmas.
How awful is that? What is wrong with me, really?
I feel like such an insult to people who have been through real problems everywhere. I should be able to suck it up and force some joy out of this season. Why the hell do I hate it so?