Living with Others-Difficult For Us :(

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Living with Others-Difficult For Us :(

18 December 2010

Posted by FloweringRose

You know, you would think living with your parents would be the most easy and natural thing in the world for people.

It doesn't feel that way for us. (P.S. very co-conscious so will almost entirely use we)

Really wish we could afford to move out, because honestly TIRED of letting down the people we live with. Burdening them, taking their roof, their food, their care, their time. Such a waste on us it feels. And we have so little to give back, we try but it just doesn't work out in our favour. We're starting to think maybe we're just hard to live with? Maybe we're not meant to be children in a parent's home D= And some of us have already grown past that stage and we *still* haven't felt like we were ever cared for children in a home instead of someone(s) who are just living there because they've been forced to.

It's not our fault we were born or made right? We haven't meant to obligate our grandparents, our mom and even our dad...ugh nauseous at the mention of the last. It just feel that's what's happened.

My littles want to be hugged and held more. I can't hug and hold them all the time. Where is our family to hug and hold us? Why don't we ever get hugged or held? So scared to approach them and ask...to burden them with more of us...and sometimes it's scary for some of us to be held in general. But still...it'd be so nice to get that care from them, if only for the younger ones of us.

There's a mixture of sadness, coldness, anger and anxiety in here right now. Supposedly we're not capable enough to live on our own in the world now... and we do get really scared when we have a house all to ourselves, or even a floor of a house, don't know why. But still, it seems it'll be easier when can move on out on our own and just not make other people go through the motions for us. We'll scrap on by, we've ben through worse. It just seems better than chronically feeling like this.

Thought moving to mother's would help the feeling. It has in some ways and not at all in others. Won't we ever belong? Why does nowhere feel like home?
Isn't family supposed to be home? Is it really supposed to be a burden on them to have you in their homes?
We're so confused =/

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2 Comments On This Entry

I have spent a lifetime not being a touchy-feely person. Now, as an adult with an inner-child or sometimes just as the adult who is allowing shields to be lowered, when I feel like a hug would be a good thing, a nice thing, a needed thing, when I feel like that physical contact from another human being would be "just the thing"... I find that everyone is so accustomed to me NOT being a physical-contact-appreciated type, that they don't think twice about NOT approaching me. I learned that I usually have to initiate it... and then, because of how they are accustomed to me being, it takes them by surprise and they don't hug back or they embrace so briefly, that it doesn't "count" at all. Every time I feel that quasi-rejection, it sets me back a bit. But, I keep trying. Eventually I figure they will figure out that they need to hug me back, or hold me... and further down the road from that, they might learn that they can initiate that contact when it seems I need it even if I don't initiate it. It's not just me that has to re-program, that's what I've learned. I was just thinking as I read your post, maybe sometimes you could initiate a hug? Maybe not expect it to be returned, even be prepared for some people to withdraw, surprised... but it's okay to try and initiate. It's okay to keep trying.

GPSing, 18 December 2010 - 03:57 PM