Venting For Us
There's a strange high and low happening in the system right now. At one point, introduced the thought that well, we survived and now let's make it for a reason. That it's good we made it, and that we have a future to look to; because that's why we lived through it, not to be stuck there perpetually but move on right? The big ones in me agree and are encouraged by my show of courage/hope.
But it's like my littles and hurt ones can't even hear. They're as stuck as stuck gets. I try to do school work, or other important things, and they just cry and cry until I talk to someone or do something soothing. But as soon as I stop, there they go again. And every opportunity they have that I'm trying to be a big girl and move on, they'll try to come in,
How do you communicate to them? How do you tell them "Sometimes we have other things to do?" I want to hear them but I can barely understand them; I want to nurture them but does it have to be every second? What do I do?
And Lyndi is the worst. Please leave me alone about M*** Q-Q I can't have him in my life anymore. Stop with the dreams, the constant reminders you're still dating him and *need* to talk to him. You don't. Please catch up with us and work to move on? I know I dissociated so much of what he did to me...do I have to bring it up with her and Sharraya to start getting a sense of closure? What do I need to do? I don't know if I'm strong enough to feel him rip me in half. I don't know which is worse, loving and needing him or knowing the horrors he put me through.
I feel like we as a whole are breaking straight down the middle, though some aren't affected as much. But enough so that it's a big enough mess for me and my emotions, and all the noise in here.
Want this to change so bad for the better.