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Venting For Us

Posted by FloweringRose , 17 December 2010 · 18 views

I/we need to do board duties, it's known. And promise it'll happen...but just need to get some things out.

There's a strange high and low happening in the system right now. At one point, introduced the thought that well, we survived and now let's make it for a reason. That it's good we made it, and that we have a future to look to; because that's why we lived through it, not to be stuck there perpetually but move on right? The big ones in me agree and are encouraged by my show of courage/hope.

But it's like my littles and hurt ones can't even hear. They're as stuck as stuck gets. I try to do school work, or other important things, and they just cry and cry until I talk to someone or do something soothing. But as soon as I stop, there they go again. And every opportunity they have that I'm trying to be a big girl and move on, they'll try to come in,

How do you communicate to them? How do you tell them "Sometimes we have other things to do?" I want to hear them but I can barely understand them; I want to nurture them but does it have to be every second? What do I do?

And Lyndi is the worst. Please leave me alone about M*** Q-Q I can't have him in my life anymore. Stop with the dreams, the constant reminders you're still dating him and *need* to talk to him. You don't. Please catch up with us and work to move on? I know I dissociated so much of what he did to me...do I have to bring it up with her and Sharraya to start getting a sense of closure? What do I need to do? I don't know if I'm strong enough to feel him rip me in half. I don't know which is worse, loving and needing him or knowing the horrors he put me through.

I feel like we as a whole are breaking straight down the middle, though some aren't affected as much. But enough so that it's a big enough mess for me and my emotions, and all the noise in here.

Want this to change so bad for the better.

Have you ever tried writing stories for your little ones, using words and maybe even generalized illustrations, to convey to them grown-up people stuff in a way that they can understand?

Your little ones sound like... well, forgive me for saying this, but it sounds to me a lot like the "spoiled brats" I've known real-time whose parents gave in to them because they would cry, or scream, or throw temper-tantrums, threaten or attempt self-harm... any child, whether an inner-child or not, should have discipline. There reaches a point where a child must learn that they aren't the center of the world, the universe does not revolve around them, and they will just have to accept that they can't always have what they want or when they want it. Children who are allowed to continue such behaviour, usually end up being grown-ups that nobody likes, no matter how successful or unsuccessful they are perceived by their peers. I don't think it should be any different with inner-children. I realize you want to take care of them, but you sound like you end up suffering as much as a person who has a bunch of screaming kids and never gets the chance to get out and do anything just for herself, or even have a bit of peace to go and take a bath without someone hollering. I know some real-time mothers with real-time children, who continue to get pregnant and have more children -they say they love "little ones"... but with more than a few of them, the demands required of a mother of small children is their way of not engaging with the rest of the world, of not having a life of their own, and with one, of being a shut-in for all intents and purposes. There is one advantage of inner-children over those real-time - if you can't find a babysitter, it is okay to send them to their room and tell them to stay there while you "go out"... they can't physically get hurt. You don't have to be a slave to your children and their demands. But mainly it seems like you need to know it's okay to apply discipline. It's okay to tell them no, that they aren't going to get their way or what they want "right then" and make an agreement with them that you will allow <whatever> if they stay quiet and be good while you attend to something else.
Dec 18 2010 09:20 PM
Hm, you may have a point...though I'd like to think the oldest amongst us has to be the brattiest of all, and not the littles LOL (just a joke she won't appreciate, but it's nice to have humor sometimes)

However, don't feel like calling them brats is really the right way to put it. It's true I need to discipline them more or at least get a system going with them. But it's more I don't know *how* to communicate with them. It's like trying to wave your hands in front of a person and you're just a ghost. They're so fixated on this one point of time, I try and try to get them out but they always end up heading back, especially Lyndi. It's like the rest of the world actually doesn't physically exist to them, not just them being self centered. It's frightening, and when I try to discuss, I get thrown for a kilter with flashbacks sometimes. I don't want that sigh.

I think I might just have to make some bigger, more vivid structures in here...and get some of the other bigs to be nicer -.-'. Hopefully that'll solve some of this, so still working on it.

July 2014

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