Jump to content


Ashamed of Me...

Posted by FloweringRose , 12 December 2010 · 36 views

I need to go back to therapy probably. I mean I posted I would for us a while back; SHOULD'VE. But was too scared.

Am still too scared.

But all I can feel is the depression trying to drag me back under. It just seems to affect so much of my life. The fact people drift away...that my mind gets all foggy and I can't bring myself to write, to do work, to see people...the fact I get so dizzy can't see tomorrow. Can't see anything. The fact I feel a tool or a missed meal could solve it though I know it won't.

I'm a shame. I'm so ashamed of myself.
How can I even show this face of mine?

How can I exist with all the let downs that make up the whole of this self?
How can I even bother people with my presence? Everyone knows I'm a just well meaning person who will never amount. Who can never follow through.
Depression knocks me breathless after the first lap...
I never make it to the end.

Will I even graduate high school?
Why do I always lose my will too soon? Why am I like this?

I just hate myself right now. I just don't see the point of me right now.
I've got to hold tight.
I've got to figure this out all over again =/

Hey, not sure if you're looking for any responses/input but I'm gonna give some anyways ;)

Don't get down on yourself about not getting back into therapy. It's a tough thing to do. I'm in the same boat and can't seem to make the phone call. Could you ask someone else to call for you? It sounds like the depression is getting worse. I would suggest trying to do something now while you still have enough energy...motivation...(can't find the right word but you know what I mean?)

You will graduate, you will get there. Be patient. Don't focus on what you will "amount to". You are already fantastic :)
Keep fighting for yourself. You're worth it and have no reason to feel ashamed.

take care
Dec 13 2010 07:53 AM

You are NOT your experiences, yes they are part of you but they don't shape or form you. They may contribute to your reactions, thinkings and feelings BUT they are NOT you.

You are more than them. You are the one who is STILL standing today despite your experiences. YOU are the one who keeps fighting. YOU are the one who seems to be so self aware. YOU have more strength and courage than you give yourself credit for.

I am NOT ashamed of you. I celebrate YOU: for your courage and bravery, your resilence and fighting spirit.

Keep holding on FloweringRose and Keep reaching out. You ARE a vital worthwhile person and I celebrate you for that also.

Take gentle care
biw x

November 2014

161718192021 22

Recent Entries

Recent Comments

Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.