I'm Done "Just Forgetting It"
So I'll post it here. Since I kind of do want it heard.
They say don't remember the past.
But how can you not when the past is you in so many ways? When you crawl and stink of those treacherous acts? When you never breathed a name into them before and so they just lay there, stuck in the moment before being created and released, to make rotten your soul?
How can you not when the silence is so perpetual, it echoes it all in your head? How can you not when the shame drills so deep, your heart is just a mess of guts being wrenched apart...a giant hole you keep slipping into over and over.
You tell me to forget. But I never wanted to remember.
So I just spent all the time trying to swallow it down and let the acids of my stomach do their work. But the acids of their crimes won. Now I'm just a mess; all of me touched and destroyed by the acts, those specific moments where another shard was stabbed into my soul. Everyone said bleed in; so I have. Who knew it was actually worse to bleed internally? Only my heart now that it has already done so.
Forget it they say.
I'm done forgetting. "Forgetting" has broken me into these pieces in the first place; I just want to pick it all back up and recall. I want to speak, tell my stories so that I can clear the poison out. Only then maybe will I be able to make room for the cure.