Today, Today Was Good
I'm going at those steps for healing. Today, I switched my courses into a co-op which is basically going into the workplace, a course I usually wouldn't take. But I need the change and to be out of the school and in my hopes be out there helping children out. Being able to love them and give to them like I wasn't loved is something I really want to do and I think will help me move forward. But I also took a lot of joy from my day. I'm discovering I love chemistry and psychology too, and doing so many things I love is making me feel like a person and not just a freak who was raped by her dad. I feel like I can be me again, at least a little. this website has also been such a huge push factor for me. Seeing so many beautiful souls and caring people makes me feel hope. TRUST in this world again. Again, that love that is sort of missing now. It's abundant on this site and watching everyone else get better is helping me drastically get better too. It's making the little voice of self hate quiet faster than I could have ever expected. And last night when I jsut sincerely tried to connect to someone and help themt hrough emotions we both shared it made me realize all the healing that cane xist in this world.
I now have a purpose maybe. Maybe. I think I want to help trauma victims just like myself and others here, or become a suicidologist and help put the research that will help other people who are so isolated out of their shell.
If I could just do this and help someone heal from this pain, if I could make this awful hateful act of assault dissapate person by person and hold less control over this world then MAYBE there can be a point to all this suffering. i don't know. It's nice to feel passionate about something and it's nice to really love other people. i really do love everyone on this site. EVERYONE here deserves to heal and become the shining people they are beyond what has happened.
Thank you everyone =) thank you for the tips about dealing with triggers that prevented the panic attacks. Thank you for helping me feel normal and not hating myself. Thank you for helping me feel joy again
I wish the best to everyone