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A Flowering Rose



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As a Side Note In General

Posted by FloweringRose , 24 January 2013 · 87 views

So with everything I used to post about my grandmother, and all the feelings I used to have? It wasn't all in my head. My grandmother has some issues that my mother had to deal with growing up too, and well I got some relief knowing it wasn't just me. Some of her behavior in August and October were so appalling too (my grandmother) that I couldn...


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I Have a Problem

Posted by FloweringRose , 24 January 2013 · 87 views

And I feel it's getting worse.

I've gotten to the point where anyone expressing anger, if it's not specifically stated towards who or what, I assume it's towards me. I wait every single day to have someone tell me that I am bad, terrible, shouldn't live, shouldn't talk, shouldn't be who I am etc. I keep waiting for that searin...


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Wishing I Felt More "In Myself" I Guess

Posted by FloweringRose , 20 January 2013 · 98 views

I never really figured out how to be my own person. As in, I never really figured out how to realize I'm not what my parents or family say I am, and that if I need space or am different than them or live life differently than their ideal, I'm still okay. I mean I'm 20 and if certain family members said "Do this, do that" I would. Even...


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Rant About Surviving and Love

Posted by FloweringRose , 19 January 2013 · 84 views

Exhausted today. It doesn't matter how little or much I sleep right now, I just feel completely wiped out. Hoping as I get healthier that passes. Sighs.

Was thinking today though how in a sense, I need to love to function. It's strange but true. I guess I'm finally admitting it. All the times in my life I've been healthiest are always eit...


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Getting Really Depressed...

Posted by FloweringRose , 18 January 2013 · 79 views

Sighs.
I had more words even when I started this. But now my mind is fluttering around the words I want to say and just dropping the thoughts constantly.
Maybe I just need to take point form notes on my mind. Seriously. My heart feels like it's just seizing up at the idea of saying half of what's wrong.

->Crashing. It's sinking in what B...


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I Want to Talk More About What My Ex Did To Me

Posted by FloweringRose , 17 January 2013 · 114 views

But I don't know how, and I don't know where.
I don't want to be judged for something that took a long time to figure out how to work out.
don't want to be judged for something that is a complicated situation and well a lot of people wouldn't understand. You see he victimized us based on our DID and explicit knowledge of our past and...


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Friend Being Pushy, And Just Frustrated

Posted by FloweringRose , 16 January 2013 · 96 views

I think I need to cut off even more people than I have, and be really assertive about it. I thought D would have a bit more tact and realization than he does but he doesn't. There's no way it's okay to offer me money for "services", or to keep pushing me to be a dominant when I've told him I don't even want to do anything with...


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Can't Sleep Over Silly Self Loathing

Posted by FloweringRose , 15 January 2013 · 96 views

I literally can't sleep because I feel bad for the way I was flirting with a guy in November. Not because it was bad or anything (I mean I have been single since September, even if E has been bothering me a lot), but because I feel like everyone thought I was a ditz or a sl*t or an id*ot or all these bad things that don't even make sense, words I...


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Hasn't Been Long Since Have Been Hurt :(

Posted by FloweringRose , 14 January 2013 · 32 views

It's only been a month (and three days) that I've been free of abuse, and even now E is still trying to get back into my life. It feels strange to think of that. It feels longer. I can't really believe that I've had so much abuse in my life that being a month free of it feels like an oasis.

Fingers crossed this lasts and we can stay away...


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So Happy With My Progress

Posted by FloweringRose , 11 January 2013 · 35 views

I'm actually really amazed how well I'm doing in general lately. Feel like pinching myself. I spent so long spent feeling like life was worthless, like there wasn't any hope outside of my relationships. And well, all of my major relationships fell apart, for horrible circumstances, huge betrayals.. and yet here I am. And happier than ever o_o...






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