So tired of it
It's agony to hate myself. I'm 2 extremes. I am a very positive person otherwise. I am so thankful for all I have, I think I'm happy in every other way, and more appreciative than most for what I have... but then I have a nightmare or some random crap memory like that and I'm depressed. Then I am in so much pain and I just want it to go away. My sweet husband... I may think many things about him on different topics, but he can be a really amazing guy. He actually triggered me with something he said, and I told him I don't want to talk about it. I never say that... I never tell him I won't talk about it... but lately I've been struggling. He actually started throwing out every random topic to try and immediately distract me before I started getting memories like I did a few weeks ago... and when my mood didn't change quickly, he actually tried to start a fight with me (I don't mean a physical one... but bickering type thing). It was so random, and he wasn't acting like he does when he's upset... I thought it was funny. Starting a fight as a means to distract me. I know most would be like wtf? but it was very sweet of him.
It's been ok this last week. The memories have calmed a bit again. I just wish it didn't hurt so much just to be me. I wish I didn't feel so broken.