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Will anyone ever love me?

Posted by JadeAngel , 18 December 2013 · 92 views

I just want to feel loved :( he says he doesn't say I love you because I say it too much. or that he doesn't give me affection because I demmand it too much. He's so affectionate and always saying i love you to my daughter. How can he claim he actually loves me when he never shows it to me, and he's obviously quite capable of it as he shows my daughter soooo much. Yes, I'm jealous of my own child right now, because I'm glad that I gave her a daddy that loves her so much... but I don't understand why he can't show me any. He finds it so easy and effortless to threaten divorce. He hadn't done it for years but has started doing it again this year. He wonders why I don't believe he loves me?

I'm hurting so badly. And I spent hours last night weighing on my thoughts. Thinking how much of this pain I can put up with. I'd rather die young and happy than old and miserable. But I couldn't leave my daughter. And I kept thinking how many sleeping pills would it take. But that would be so cruel to my family. But I'm tired. I'm tired of wondering if he'll stay with me, wondering if he really DOES value our marriage at all. His words certainly don't reflect it. And I can't talk to him about it. When I do he says I'm just trying to fight. No. I'm asking for help. I'm begging for it. I'm on my knees. I'm tired of the pain. I'm tired of thinking I'm not good enough. I'm just tired of it. And I'm angry as hell that I'm starting to believe that the evil bastard was right, and that no man will ever really want me.

July 2014

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