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my mother wont let me forget the bad...

Posted by JadeAngel , 20 November 2010 · 92 views

It's no wonder i'm getting more nightmares lately. i'm tired of this :( i'm sad... i'm so sad and so angry and so frustrated. my mother... she's insane. i think she really is nuts. every time she has a problem with me she talks to my husband about how it was 'her father's' fault. FUCK FUCK FUCK! stop calling him that! stop calling him my father! stop blaming what you dont like on my past! LEAVE MY DAMN PAST WHERE IT IS!!!!

I think i do rather well... i have an occasional nightmare or flashback... but in normal circumstances that is very rare. even so i normally wouldnt be so bothered with it. but SHE cant let it at that. it's almost every day that she tells my husband some bullshit. he tells her not to talk to him about it but she wont listen. she wont talk to me about it because i get upset (well duh). i tell her not to talk to him about it still she doesn't listen.

she tells him that my past wasnt that bad and i imagine things and i remember wrong. she says "her father" wasn't all bad and he was a good man... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER!?!?!? even when she talks to my husband she competes. she doesn't see it that way but how on earth would you see it if EVERY time you talk about your daughters past the first words out of your mouth are "well i had it harder... i had it worse" seriously what is wrong with her? why on earth can't she let it be? i have more nightmares... i have more bad memories. I DONT FUCKING WANT THEM! i want it to go away :( i want it to stop... she tells my husband this stuff and then says "well she should just get over her past. I DID"

yeah sure she did. with all her insanities, all her behaviors that make no sense what so ever. her complete LACK of intuition and common sense.

what's worse... my husband said we dont want my baby to know about this... unless one day I am ready to tell her. We dont want anyone talking about "her father" about him... or even my biological father. her response was "well she has family that always talks about it so she'll hear it anyway" OMG! let me raise MY child and dont DARE try and go against a decision like that that my husband and i have made! again really... what is wrong with that woman!? She is driving me to HATE her. as it was finding out she may have known what was happening and done NOTHING... and this...

i want to cry and scream and i cant. i want to end it. i want it to stop. i want it to go away. things get better, i get better, i am almost 'normal' as i can be... but SHE is determined not to let that happen. living countries apart did me good but now i am here again and dealing with this day by day. i talk to her. it does no good. i talked to her (now ex) bf (when they were together) he talked to her... it did no good. she says i am the reason she needs therapy. she says that her therapist tells her this and that... all sorts of nutty things like her therapist told her to supposedly treat me like a child...

i am so angry i cant even express it and yet i am so sad about this. i dont want to hate my mother but i am getting there FAST. I don't know what to do :( i don't know what to think. i just wish it would stop u.u the moment we are able to move out we will.

June 2016

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