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Talking About Marriage

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 15 July 2012 · 44 views

I'm waiting on the actual ring on my finger. We are talking about a life together. I am happy and scared. I hate allowing anyone to have any power in my life because they can then hurt me. Trust is a huge issue. I've been hurt by him once. I've already let him back into my life and my heart. There is no turning back. I adore him and am devoted to him. I just pray he does not hurt me again. I have no regret in jumping back into the deep end with him. I would regret not trying again. I've never loved the way I love him. Life is crazy and full of unfulfilled promises. I refuse to believe that I am not worthy of a promise kept.

I was just married in May. I went through these very same thoughts. It's not easy. With or without the legality of the relationship, it's still just a relationship. It doesn't get better. It's something you always have to work at.

The thing that keeps me sane (for the most part) is knowing that I don't live in a country where there is no turning back. I can get out if I want to. I can leave him if I choose to. I can get a divorce. I can do whatever I wish. I am a free woman, but I CHOOSE to be with him. I CHOOSE to be married. It's a choice, but things can always change. Nothing is set in stone. You will always have the power to choose.

Good luck! Take care.
Jul 17 2012 01:42 PM

I am a free woman, but I CHOOSE to be with him. I CHOOSE to be married.

Yes, I have chosen to let him back in. I feel vulnerable but if he hurts me there is recourse. I just don't want to feel that pain. I know the relationship will have its ups and downs and it takes a lot of hard work to maintain. I'm not put off by that. I just hope he puts as much into it. No matter how committed I am I cannot drive this relationship alone. It takes both of us. So far he has proven to be quite amorous. I've been surprised by how he took my ultimatum. I told him to either be all in or all out. He has thrown himself all in.

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