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I haven't heard anything else from IBM. They are still working on my background check. It just seems to be a never ending battle of red tape and legally binding documents.
My love wrote me this really nice email telling me that he still cared and that when I move on the guy will be the luckiest in the world to have me. I was very touched. I responded as usual and just talked about my life. Then something happened and he flipped out. He sent me another email telling me that he would never speak to me again and that I was a liar. He said I couldn't be real with him even just as a friend. He was done and he would never contact me again no matter how many times I tried to respond. Well, isn't that a little bipolar??? Telling me to move on and then condemning me for it when he thinks I have. LOL! The whole thing is ridiculous. I hadn't moved on yet. I sure may have now.
I went out on a date last Friday and it felt great to have someone care about me. I found out that I am not frozen emotionally. I kissed him and I felt something. I wasn't sure I ever would feel anything for anyone but my love. I was scared to kiss this guy for fear that it would be confirmed and I would never love again. I am very happy that I found a nice guy. I have no idea if things will be great between us or if I could ever love him the way I did David. The point is that I like being held by him and I like kissing him. I enjoy being touched by someone. This in itself is a huge accomplishment since I generally do not like to be touched. My life feels better now that I have this guy in it. I'm not so lonely. I don't trust he won't hurt me. I think that is an inevitability. We all hurt each other. Sometimes intentionally and other times not.
I told my love that I was not perfect and neither is anyone else. Everyone we love will disappoint us at some point. The key to happiness is forgiveness. I am learning that the anger I harbor hurts me more than anyone else.