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Separate Paths

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 13 April 2012 · 17 views

When, oh when will I stop crying over the loss of my soul mate. He said he would email me today and I can't wait to get it. The last emails had good and bad news in them. I have no clue what he will put in this email. There really is no unfinished business. I imagine he will just be saying that he plans to contact me even less so that I will move on. What ever. That does nothing but hurt me more. He's my best friend. I'm going through the worst time in my life since I was a teen and he has abandoned me. The worst part about this break up is that I understand his choice and I know we never would have made it because of his life choices. I agree this is best yet I cannot make my heart stop aching.

The pain of a separate future makes me feel as thought the air I breathe is clotted with my own blood. I drown in it. I come to the surface once in a while and make a tentative step forward on this separate path but each night I cry for the future we lost. I love it when he calls and yet it is a double bladed sword. I can't breathe without him yet I seem to be still existing. I am making huge strides on my own path. Each day is a victory. I still cry that I have made those steps away from him. My brain is defective. I love and understand him. My life is not better without him. He came into my world with a purpose. I am better for it. Letting go of him will take time. His lies of omission are still lies. He said he would never lie to me so many times. Promises are worse than lies because he didn't just make me believe, he made me hope for something he never had the power to do. Our path was never meant to be the same. I will accept this eventually. I will...

Oh how I know what you must be feeling and how much it hurts to see someone that meaans so much decide to take a path that we have to decline to follow.

Yes, I could have written this very post. I can tell you that in time the pain lessens but it remains there those feelings of betrayal and abandonment. They cut so deep and take so long to scar over and heal.

I wish I knew what I could say to comfort you and encourage you. I am so sorry that on top of everything you are trying to achieve you also lost an important supportive person in your life.

Focus on that job and take good care of you.


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