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In the beginning

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 18 October 2008 · 22 views

Wow! So much has happened since I was rapped. I am having a hard time deciding where to start.

The first memory I have is of myself on the couch in my living room after police have arrived. My boyfriend showed up and gave me a hug and took my son home with him.

The next memory I have is of the rape kit administrator asking me all kinds of questions about what happened. I had no answers. I said I don't know to every question they asked. At one point I even walked out into the hallway in the ER to ask where I was.

My next memory was of my mother showing up at the ER and shortly later being told I could go home. I was given a clothing kit. It contained a bra, sweatshirt, sweatpants, underwear, and socks.

My mother took me home to gather items for myself and my son. She had already made arrangements for me to stay with my boyfriend for the time being.

Background information:

I have been through a lot of hard times lately. I just completed a very messy divorce from a violent Bipolar 1 person of 12 years. This took almost a year and he kidnapped our son twice during the divorce. Thank God he is stable on medications at this time and actively participating in our son's life. During our divorce he was unstable and was convicted of stalking me.

I have used my entire savings to pay for my divorce, my therapy, and my son's therapy during the last year. To give you an idea of the cost: my divorce probably cost more than 9K (I have yet to receive a final bill), my counseling $95 a session, my son's counseling $65 a session and we attended every week.

I have used up all my sick time and vacation time for court appearances. My ex and I were in court almost every other week due to his lawyer's motions, not mine. My ex is an excellent manipulator. He convinces everyone that I am the bad guy and then gets them to do what ever they can to make my life hell. His first lawyer went as far as being thrown off the case for his outlandish motions.

Recovery after divorce:

Over this last summer my ex was allowed two 3 week sessions of parenting time with our son. During both of these episodes I felt panic and extreme stress. I was feeling everything I had gone through when he had kidnapped our son. I call it post traumatic stress but I have never been diagnosed. I fell to pieces emotionally.

Since August things seems to be getting back on track. My ex is stable on meds and my son is adapting well to all the changes over the last year. I was getting back into the swing of things at work and was setting my normal high standards of performance for my position.

On September 22nd, 2008, everything changed. Someone unknown to me broke into my house and raped me. He used two knives and my son was home asleep in the bedroom right next door. I did not resist. I allowed this rapist to do anything he wanted to just to protect my son. All I could think about was that if my son was awakened, he would be killed as well. I was sure I was going to die.

The rest of my blog will be about what has happened since, what I have remembered, and how inept the police have been as well as how they have treated me as a criminal rather than a victim.

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