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cordeliaVorkosigan's Blog



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So Utterly Alone

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 16 February 2013 · 80 views

I'm so tired of being alone. I still talk to David. I love him. He is unavailable at this time. I will not elaborate. I cannot move on. I have tried. I've dated but nothing has progressed past a couple dinners out. Every time I hear from him, it is as if the sun just sprang forth. I dream of him. I crave him. We haven't seen each other in almo...


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Work Driving Me To Distraction

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 05 September 2012 · 80 views

Been working 50-60 hours a week for a month now. I've been out of town on business and only back on the weekends to see my son. It's exhausting. Next week will be my last week and I'll be able to get back to my normal routine and be home every night for my son. I'll only have to travel for the occasional meeting after this. This new projec...


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A Complete Fake

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 17 August 2012 · 48 views

So I decided to give David another shot. He was my soul mate, or so I thought. I cought him in the biggest lie. It has made me question everything about him. Last time we separated it was so he could cover his lie and not expose himself. Don't know why he thought I would never find out. He should have confessed when we got back together. I have forgiv...


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Strain

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 08 August 2012 · 53 views

Feeling strain at the moment. I'm pushing up against a wall in my path. I don't have the tools to dismantle it yet. Feel like shutting down and I know I can't. Sometimes work and holding my home together are all I can do. The world demands too much at times. This too shall pass.


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Going It Alone

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 03 August 2012 · 96 views

I finally was able to get a hold of legal aid and I make too much money now to be helped with the bankruptcy. If I had done this when unemployed, it would have been free to me to file and have representation. I didn't even have the mental capacity to deal at that time. I was just trying to survive. Living in the homeless shelter was dangerous and a ho...


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Depression & Stress

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 31 July 2012 · 39 views

Well, my pay check is being garnished for an old car loan. I surrendered the car to them a long time ago because I couldn't afford the payments. I have to file bankruptcy now. I don't make enough to pay my bills now. They are getting way too much every month. I hope to have it filed by the end of this month so they only affect two pay checks. I ca...


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Paying It Forward and Believing I am a Success

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 30 July 2012 · 19 views

A bit of good news and paying it forward. I was homeless for a while in the Spring and now have a job in a new city. I was assigned a project that requires me to travel 3 days a week. That really sucks because when school starts up, I will have to be home every night for my 12 yr old son. For now he will travel with me or visit grandparents. I have a frie...


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OMG! More Family Loss

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 25 July 2012 · 18 views

My soul mate has now lost his father. Their relationship was not good but there is still loss felt. Loss for who he used to be. Not much more to be said. I'm not looking forward to the family drama this will cause. All I can do is be there for my mate. I can listen and tell him how much I love him. He's an orphan now. Both parents have died in the...


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Weight Loss

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 19 July 2012 · 63 views

So, I have a plan of action for my diet. Iím not good at counting calories. I never have been. The only time I count calories is when I use all prepackaged foods. They usually have way too much sodium and not enough protein. Iím just going to eat lots more veggies so that I can always have something to munch on. Food is still an issue with me. I gained a...


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Agitation as Day Progresses

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 19 July 2012 · 16 views

Anyone else have great mornings but as the day goes by have a harder and harder time dealing with any stress? I am a morning person. I am so happy usually. I get to work and feel great. Then as the day progresses, I get more and more anxious. By the time I get home to deal with dinner and spend time with my 12 yr old son, I am irritable and agitated. I ha...


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Father Lost

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 18 July 2012 · 69 views

"When a man has taken upon himself to beget children," Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote to Sophia Peabody, his fiancee, in 1841, "he has no longer any right to a life of his own."


My ex seems to have forgotten he has a son again. It's been a month. I guess, like a child with a toy, he has lost interest again. The saddest element to...


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Triggered at the Doc Office

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 17 July 2012 · 18 views

Had a doctor's apt this morning and a man was in the waiting area that triggered me. I havenít been triggered in so long. I paced the floor till my name was called. Then in the room I was so agitated that I couldn't sit still. My doctor even asked about the anxiety level I was feeling. I was honest and said I had been triggered. When I got back to...


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Talking About Marriage

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 15 July 2012 · 22 views

I'm waiting on the actual ring on my finger. We are talking about a life together. I am happy and scared. I hate allowing anyone to have any power in my life because they can then hurt me. Trust is a huge issue. I've been hurt by him once. I've already let him back into my life and my heart. There is no turning back. I adore him and am devoted...


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The Heart Wants...

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 06 July 2012 · 17 views

Oh I can't help myself. I don't know if I'll get hurt again but at least I will have no regrets that I didn't try. Dave and I are back together. My soul is whole again. Promises and more promises but can I believe in them? My heart may lead the way but at least I have taken my brain on the trip this time around. I need to make sure I am...


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More Training

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 28 June 2012 · 16 views

I was selected to learn some new software at work. I've been in training all week. The class cost over 3K. Glad my job believes in me enough to keep investing in me as an employee even though I haven't been working for them for very long. The software is in demand and will help me get picked to work on projects, which is what i want. i want to be...


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First Workout at the Gym

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 21 June 2012 · 18 views

I am so tired and relaxed. I'm sure I'll be sore tomorrow. I am so happy I joined. There were a couple times I just had to stop for the last two reps or so of a set but for the most part I kept up. My stomach muscles hurt the most. So proud of myself. I want to drop 30 pounds and then set another goal. I am super!

http://www.pandys.org/forums...


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Possibly Single

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 20 June 2012 · 16 views

I wanted to want it. That makes complete sense to me even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else. I tried to feel in love with Jim. I threw myself into it. It felt great when we were together but when we were apart, I couldn't care less about him. That was my bad. He, on the other hand, is completely nuts. He wants to marry me one day and the nex...


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Back on meds!

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 16 June 2012 · 17 views

Feeling a little better. Been back on my antidepressants since Thursday. I was going thru some serious withdrawal. Holy COW! My attitude was so bitchy. Thank goodness I'm relaxing now.http://www.pandys.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/yahoo.gif


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Back on meds!

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 16 June 2012 · 17 views

Feeling a little better. Been back on my antidepressants since Thursday. I was going thru some serious withdrawal. Holy COW! My attitude was so bitchy. Thank goodness I'm relaxing now.http://www.pandys.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/yahoo.gif


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Back on meds!

Posted by cordeliaVorkosigan , 16 June 2012 · 18 views

Feeling a little better. Been back on my antidepressants since Thursday. I was going thru some serious withdrawal. Holy COW! My attitude was so bitchy. Thank goodness I'm relaxing now.http://www.pandys.org/forums/public/style_emoticons/default/yahoo.gif






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