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Guest Message © 2013 DevFuse

Soulstar, KittyLoverMira and danusia007 like this
Posted by Soulstar  
thisi sn't who i was supposed to be,
a VICTIM,
someone who jumps when a neighbour makes a whisper in the hallway,
a freak of nervous nothingness
only it's not nothingness..............................
truly loely and alone
how many times blessed be"?
how many times do i have to pick myself...
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Posted by Soulstar  
it's soulstar...i used to blog daily about a very abusive bf shawn but didn't realize that til later then didn't have a compu for yrs i could use..not very often......so coby is bi-polar like me and another mental illness i chose to keep to myself and he gets a shot in the ass and then he's stress free. i took care of his son's...
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going throu a lot

19 September 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
Americn Sign Language 1 starts tomorrow at my downtown college.
this is the program both shawn and i want to get into a a career choice.
there's also blind and deaf interveener which is harder and might not let me due the
field work b/c of my bi-polar.
maybe if i can stay out of the hospital for two yrs of stability they'll let me.
i...
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stormy weather

05 September 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
well, i'm finally getting better at letting \
go of thatt certain friend that abandoned me but
it still bothers me that it seems to be a theme in my life;
abandoment that is.
i came to my parents house at 9am to check up on facebook
and come on here and my mom says:
"i thought i told you not to come back here for a couple of...
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IN Emerg

27 August 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
shawn and i had complete nervous breakdowns on friday.
we had some friends down and one of them got us a two week notice oof eviction.
shawn talked him out of it but then the landlord said our extremely clean apt had to be spotless.
he asked why shawn didn't have a job.
he knows shawn is on disibility.
he gets his rent on time every month.
i...
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shattered..i'm 31 wtf?

11 August 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
:confused: life just doesn't get any easier...\
i''m house sitting tonight for my parents and
shawn for the first time since his strained relationship in
may with shawn, my parents said he could come ooover while i house sit
shawn just couldn't spend the nite.
it's a control thing with my parents..no more...
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Posted by Soulstar  
i got signed up for my sign language course it's obviously an on campus one...
then shawn and i are registering for human growth and development b/c he wants to work with youth,
which i can totally see him doing.
as for myself this is my last chance.\
for medical reason's i got an F on the emmersion course'
but i'm darn ready...
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without shawn

07 August 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
without shawn i would be alone in this terrifying world
without shawn i would be mute
without shawn i would inconsolable

but i have shawn
and he cuddles affectionately
and he kiss soo sweet
and i love him so much
that words seem to betray the sinceriity


Soulstar

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who is she to judge/?

04 August 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
i told my cousin i found out how mike killed himself...she was like, "i don't weanna hear it... some cowardly way like taking pills?" bitch. i asked her if she had any idea what he was going throu and she claimed she did. she's had mild depression but nothing like i've been throu.
i suppose cal;ling my good friend a coward...
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does it ever get easier?

01 August 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
Two days ago, mike's ex got out of the psyche ward.
so we me her at a local restaurant and bought her lunch.
then we bought $40 worth of pot.
she wanted it so badly and everything was going so depressing
i figured why the f not.
but she rolled massive joints,.
i told her the pot was good stuff and she didn't need to roll
spliffs but...
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"Sicko" M. Moore movie

28 July 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
i got into a fighht with s.. last night.
we were both just on the edge from our grief.,
i got top my parents in time to watch michael moore's "sicko" about health care
and it was so disturbing.
canada got a great review and i've always been thank-ful for living here.
at least since high school, before that i doubt i knew any...
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not getting any better

25 July 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
(((((((((((((Pandys)))))))))))))))))

this grief is tearing us up.
we're oon our way to visit our friend in the hospital who
mike broke-up with previous to his suicide.
shawn doesn't even wanna go.
i think he feels seeing her will make things worse.
but i thinking reaching out to jessa will help us heal.
plus i know how important it is to...
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Posted by Soulstar  
i'm not getting along with my mom that well right now.
she asdked if there was anything she could do last night...
and i said no. i mean mike's dead and gone,. and she keeps refusing to believe it was a suicvide.
and she gets so excitable no matter what you say.
thank-God i don't live here anymore.
my ittle niece ava isa being dropped...
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an angel sent my way

24 July 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
when i came to my parents house to do laundry of course i took
the opportunity to check out pandys.\
shawn had prayed a few days before that after losing not mike but a close
but distanced friend not to death but to neglect that God send me some good friends.
one's that wouldn't abandon me!!!!
and i come on pandys, and...
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Grieving

23 July 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
mike is the closest person to me who has died at such a young age exceppt my brother's friend when i was 21. he overdosed on H. mike's girl-friend until just recently has just signed herself into the
psycheward. my heart bleeds for her shhe says looking back she can now see things that she didn['t before. like when she said nice...
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Posted by Soulstar  
i went to a memorial, my second funeral this yr,
for my friend mike, who the police say killed himself.
the priest said he would go to heaven b/c he was baptised.

it's all a shock, b/c he was a seemingly happy guy,
who juwst got a %95 at his welders job,
had lots and lots of friends....
people came from all over for the service.

from the...
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Happy Canada Day :)

02 July 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
Last night was the celebration but today is the day all the stores are closed lol
we saw fireworks , we saw jeff salem one of the world's top drummer's
shawn's old teaching do a few songs.
if we knew it was him we would have been therew all along in the music section.
there was even a fair but we didn't have any money on us.
just...
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Feist

15 June 2007
Posted by Soulstar  
:yay: Feist the reminder :yay:




This is an awesomely powerful, jazzy indie artist from Canada but you might
be able to find her albums elsewhere.
i jsut had to let it be known!!!
hope some of you check her out...def worth it
\
love you gals and guys

Soulstar

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Posted by Soulstar  
:yay: since last Thursday i've been in the psyche ward.
it wasn't my fault mny thyroid meds sped up my psyche ones
(for bi-polar) and i broke down.
certain friends, all but one has been very understanding and supportive,.
but you can only do your besty.
i'm not going to repeatedly appologizing for being sharp one time out of two...
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Posted by Soulstar  
((((((((((((((Everyone*if ok))))))))))))))))))))))

i have noticed a lot of new bloggers and wonder if any of my old friends
are still out there reading my blog.
or are there potentially new peop-le reading my blog?
i jsut wonder am i asking for help and su[pport and offering it to a blank audience......
it's lonely when no one comments...
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Soulstar, KittyLoverMira and danusia007 like this

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