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"In violent times you shouldn't have to sell your soul"

Posted by Soulstar , 19 April 2011 · 98 views

The last perp was my fiance of almost 4 yrs.....it was horrifically violent.I wish it had only been 1 perp.....not 3. I pray someone will respond......I've made friends on hear that were able to move on. God bless them though how I miss them so........but I need more support and am an awesome friend in return. If especially anyone has been through partner rape or violence..THIS IS THE MONTH AGAINST IT!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right April...and though therre have been shower's even one chum out here would be a may flower.

Soulstar(((((((Hugs)))))))*if welcome :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush: :blush:

Hi soulstar,

I'm new to this site. Looking for comfort after an attack recently and I feel like we could perhaps help each other. I wasn't raped by a partner but it is a second perpitrator. I have been trying to get round why this has happened to me twice. I know its all to do with my abuse of alcohol and just general stupidity to put my trust in people. The first time I was alseep so don't have any horrible flashbacks about the event other than waking up with my jeans and underwear off. I know it sounds bad as it was still a violation but I moved on and got over it without any counselling (just more alcohol to ease the pain). This second time is really hard to come to terms with. I put myself in great danger by entering a room on my own. I know it sounds stupid but i really didn't think he would hurt me. In the room he begged me for sex, he didn't try to kiss or grope me, it was just a very matter of fact conversation. He kept asking me and telling me it would be okay, no-one would know. I wasn't scared, i thought he would just take my 'no' as meaning 'no'. He then changed tact and offered me money in return for sex. I still said no. He then turned the light out and came towards me. I was really drunk and scared but wasn't able to put up much of a fight. I kept backing away from him and he pushed me onto the bed. I tried to pull myself up the bed so i would get to the other side and escape but he grabbed my legs. All of the time this was happening i just kept saying 'please don't, please let me go'. He just kept trying sooth me by saying it would be okay and would be over quickly. He was right, it was over quickly. I'm just so angry for not screaming and for not scratching his eyes out. The police have been really awful. One officer said that the guy 'wasn't even nice looking' and he knew i'd been perscribed hiv meds as this guy is from a high risk area and he said as i was leaving 'next time take condoms out with you'. I feel in such a mess, I'm not eating or sleeping properly. I just feel alone.

So i really do sympathise with you and would like you to share your thoughts, feelings and experiences.
Apr 20 2011 11:00 AM
Really, I am so happy you survived 4 years with such a shithole if he was very aggressive! Hopefully you'll find someone who can truly appreciate you.

I had several perps, 2 abusive relationships included, if you can at all call them relationships, plus several abusers apart from them like people bf #1+2 sold me to. #3 was far less violent, but I think more emotionally abusive... At least he didn't like to hear 'no'.

What were we supposed to do this month? :huh:
-Something special like wearing the :purpleribbon: , or it just 'is'?

Sorry if I'm rambling, I am officially out of energy and can't think :(
I just feel so broken today...

Take lots of care of your precious self
:hug: only if OK of course :)
You precious thing, I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

It's great that you're reaching out now and expressing your feelings. I really, truly hope you'll find someone who's good enough for you. I'm lucky for not ever being in an abusive relationship, thus I can't speak from experience. I just want you to know that I'm listening.

Loads of love,
I am also a survivor of partner rape/violence. I don't really know what to say, but I'm glad you're here, and you're not alone in this. Just let me know if you ever need somebody to talk to :)

June 2016

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