A small bit of my anger
"Buried that collection of hurts turned into anger and seeped out sideways. Sometimes the seeping turns into a flood."
In the past months I have suffered a lot of hurt, in particularly having a close friend end our friendship and placing the blame on me. Afraid to feel the hurt I buried it and it did in fact turn into anger. There's so much I want to say to him and I can only hope that perhaps he will stumble upon this entry and read my words.
How dare he make my faults the reason for choosing to end the relationship, for saying that it was only my faults and there was nothing about him that was part of the decision. My mistakes were not enough to warrant that decision. I was human, learning how to handle a tough life change. Besides, it's not like you were perfect either. With much more experience with the same life situation you had just as much, maybe even more, trouble dealing with it.
You told me that it was ok to trust you. You made it ok to tell you my secrets. You were the one who wanted me to be your little girl. You said it was safe, that I wouldn't get hurt. You hurt me. You hurt me a lot.
At the same time I knew it wasn't forever. Something that you struggled to realize. I always thought that I would be the one to leave. Yet at every attempt you love and compassion drew me back. I should have left when I wanted to. Perhaps I then I wouldn't cry at every thought of you.
"But this is all I have so please take what's left of this heart and use, please use only what you really need, you know I only have so little so please mend your broken heart and leave" JJ