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heaeliper's Blog


The long overdue update!

Posted by heaeliper , 28 December 2012 · 18 views

I have not been to pandy's in years but have recently been having trouble with PTSD so I am back! I want to give a brief update filled with hope and accomplishments more for myself than you just to remind me of my good points.

First, I am completely off sleeping pills to fight insomnia YAY!
Second, I have divorced (Kinda yay kinda not so mu...


Starting Anew....Full Speed Ahead

Posted by heaeliper , 24 February 2010 · 19 views

Over the past month or so I have seen a new therapist and today we started EMDR. A tactic that is suppose to help with my PTSD. I am still skeptical but I think there might be something to some of it. Anyway, I am in the process of really trying to get over the rape. I feel like I have been going through the motions of healing for the last 19 years. I wan...


And the roller coaster continues....

Posted by heaeliper , 24 November 2009 · 25 views

It has been an incredibly long time since I posted an entry. I have no reason for this so I will not give an excuse. :blush: The last few months have been tough when it comes to the PTSD due to the rape. I am more sensitive to triggers, my depression is a roller coaster - loops and all, and my self-esteem and confidence tanks are on empty. I have given i...


Weird Day

Posted by heaeliper , 06 March 2009 · 15 views

Sometimes you're the fan and sometimes you're the crap. Either way wear rubber because it is going to get messy. That is the kind of day I had.

First, I woke up with what I think is the Flu. (it is either that or I am pregnant)
Second, I heard from an old boss (that I hated working for) I was laid off two years ago. He needed a favor, naturally...


My Non-Productive Side

Posted by heaeliper , 16 February 2009 · 16 views

Like many people I was laid off about two years ago, there were not many jobs at my skill or pay level so I decided to finish my degree while I worked on the job hunt. So, far things have gone pretty well.

I am working on two classes at the moment and they are not hard. I am just having a hard time focusing in on doing them. I am letting myself ignore t...


Big Trouble in a Small Town

Posted by heaeliper , 03 February 2009 · 17 views

I grew up in one of the biggest cities in the world and I now live in a town of about 2,500 people. Most days I love the security of living in the middle of nowhere, but not today. My "r" was in 1991, when I was 13, in a state that is 3,000 miles away. I volunteer for the local "r" crisis center. I think this helps me more than it helps th...


On the path to well and whole

Posted by heaeliper , 28 January 2009 · 17 views

It has been awhile since I have posted a blog entry. As some of you know I had a heart attack over the summer. My health is improving and without violating Pandy's policy about #s and weight I am pleased to report that my dieting and total health and lifestyle change is progressing well. Everyday I am getting physically stronger. I am still working on...


Health Problems (currently in the Hospital)

Posted by heaeliper , 09 July 2008 · 16 views

As some of you may know, I have been having a lot of health problems lately and have not been as active on pandy's. Unfortunately, this morning I had a heart attack and I am currently in the hospital, awaiting more tests. The IVs are hard to navigate so my mom is typing this for me.

I am posting this so that people will not think that I am ignoring...


update from yesterday's post..

Posted by heaeliper , 15 April 2008 · 16 views

The grandmother that I wrote about in yesterday's post will not be facing charges. Not because she did not break the law, because she did. (what she did was wrong and I do not want anyone to read this and think that violence is the way to go).

Her son will not sign the forms to press domestic charges, he said that he fell down the basement steps and...


Today is not so bad>> Tear jerker but may not trigger.

Posted by heaeliper , 14 April 2008 · 17 views

Some of you may remember that I give lectures to various groups about my story. Today started like any other day. I woke up looked at my treadmill and decided that I would just have to be fat for a couple more hours, because there was no way I was getting on that thing at 5:30 in the morning.

Anyway, I got dressed (I never wear a suit to give a lecture)...


My life is turning into one big country song

Posted by heaeliper , 10 April 2008 · 17 views

Those of you that have talked to me in chat may recall that I was laid-off about 16 months ago. I have since gone back to college. The job market where I live is for sh*t. My passion is writing and I have been published but it has never been enough to be a primary income. (maybe someday)

Well I had to quit T today because I can no longer afford to go. T...


My day was a snow cone in the dirt kind of day

Posted by heaeliper , 07 April 2008 · 15 views

I am so scattered today. Everything is changing and I just cannot seem to get a handle on things. About 15 months ago I lost a job that I had for almost 8 years. The office I worked for shutdown. This is the first time since I was 15 that I have been out of work.

I have gone back to College and that keeps me busy. But the down time and the alone time ca...


The Way It All Went Down

Posted by heaeliper , 07 April 2008 · 15 views

:trigger: :trigger: :trigger:

In the fall of 1991, I was playing at the school across the street from my apartment. I was thirteen and a freshmen in high school (of course I knew everything by then-lol). My first love was with me and some other kids we were playing with. His 18 year old cousin (we'll call MAX) had just started college and had a ca...

Important information

While it is true that I am a licensed psychologist, I am here as a survivor, I do not work for pandys and anything I say should be taken as advice from a survivor and not that of a professional psychologist. Please refer to the crisis information within the site and know that everyone heals differently.

I do not wish to offend anyone reading my blog, however sometimes I cannot express my view by filtering my entries. Please read everything in my blog with care. Please know that I support all of you and I wish you well on your path to well and whole.

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Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. is not intended to be a substitute for professional assistance. All members and visitors are encouraged to establish a relationship with a trained counselor, therapist, or psychiatrist. Pandora's Aquarium, Inc. offers rape and sexual abuse survivor-to-survivor support only. Despite any qualifications staff or members possess, they are not engaged in a professional relationship with any other member. Survivors in crisis are urged to seek local help by contacting 911 or their local rape crisis center. Use of this website constitutes acceptance of the Terms of Service located here.