Letter to God (Could T)
I have had a hard time in my 35 years on this earth believing in god. I was raised catholic in one household and greek orthodox in the other. My stepmother was jewish so I do have some experience with that religion as well. I understand the irony of a catholic being divorced but that is how I was raised. With this background in mind someone said to me that all of this happened (every event in my life) was all part of god's plan.
My profession requires me to be non-secular and apolitical so I politely informed the client that I could not discuss religion with him. Mine or His.
He got me thinking though. All predetermined?
So it was god's plan for someone to rape and stab me at 13? what purpose did this serve? And was he testing me or testing the rapist? I know that we all have free will but why did I have to be a casualty of his free will? I mean who has this helped? Not me (not any closer to god now) not him (he died without repenting) I dont think anyone has benefited from my rape. The trial (more psychological torture) that part of gods plan too?
Well I know this will upset people but I cannot accept that god is good with any of this and that it was all part of his plan. I dont want a happy rosy picture because that would not work either but I will probably be the only one who gets to St. Peter and says, "I need to speak with the manager."
Thank you for listening to my rant. Please do not be offended by my post. I respect all religions and if yours works for you than I am happy for your spirituality.