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Recently I have given a lot of thought to my recovery and how close I am to well and whole. Then today I was around someone who never sees the good in herself and always always has a complaint no matter the situation. She has lived a pretty standard life. Grew up with both parents and step parents, went to school, then college, now has a career. Today she found out she is getting a promotion. The only thing she could talk about was how much more work it would be. I mean she could see no silver lining in her dark cloud.
It got me thinking that maybe if she had a mountain to climb she would not take for granted the good. I was kind of angry with her and asked her why are you so cynical? Her reply was why aren't you cynical enough in the last two years you have had sporadic work and therefore little money, a divorce, and a few health setbacks yet you walk around like everything is just going to be ok. 5 years ago you would be pissed at the world. She is right about the five years ago. I explained to her that on the grand scale I am doing fine. Jobs and divorces work themselves out. She is convinced I have started abusing drugs. I haven't but that is the outlook I am sticking with. The truth is the last year of my life has been rather calm in comparison to the other years since the rape.
I am taking this as a sign that I am further up the mountain to recovery than I thought. Yeah I am still angry about the rape and yeah I still lose sleep but for the first time since that day in 1991 I feel comfortable in my own skin. And it rocks!
Just thought I would ramble for a few minutes thank you for your time.
It got me thinking that maybe if she had a mountain to climb she would not take for granted the good. I was kind of angry with her and asked her why are you so cynical? Her reply was why aren't you cynical enough in the last two years you have had sporadic work and therefore little money, a divorce, and a few health setbacks yet you walk around like everything is just going to be ok. 5 years ago you would be pissed at the world. She is right about the five years ago. I explained to her that on the grand scale I am doing fine. Jobs and divorces work themselves out. She is convinced I have started abusing drugs. I haven't but that is the outlook I am sticking with. The truth is the last year of my life has been rather calm in comparison to the other years since the rape.
I am taking this as a sign that I am further up the mountain to recovery than I thought. Yeah I am still angry about the rape and yeah I still lose sleep but for the first time since that day in 1991 I feel comfortable in my own skin. And it rocks!
Just thought I would ramble for a few minutes thank you for your time.
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Important information
While it is true that I am a licensed psychologist, I am here as a survivor, I do not work for pandys and anything I say should be taken as advice from a survivor and not that of a professional psychologist. Please refer to the crisis information within the site and know that everyone heals differently.
I do not wish to offend anyone reading my blog, however sometimes I cannot express my view by filtering my entries. Please read everything in my blog with care. Please know that I support all of you and I wish you well on your path to well and whole.
I do not wish to offend anyone reading my blog, however sometimes I cannot express my view by filtering my entries. Please read everything in my blog with care. Please know that I support all of you and I wish you well on your path to well and whole.
