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Q's questing



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Where next? *tw* Sui

Posted by Qrious , in Where I am now, Brightness, *tw* hurt 06 February 2015 · 297 views

Okay. Weird week.

To be quite honest, when my T was busy throwing me out of his office, and I was busy pretending that was okay, I felt overwhelmed and hopeless, and my brain had quit being frightened, because it had concluded that staying alive was no longer rational, and what the hell was causing the hold up in getting it over with, already?

It's bee...


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Soup days

Posted by Qrious , in Brightness 02 December 2014 · 202 views

Funny phrase, your salad days. But December definitely heralds soup days. Made an absolutely gorgeous one yesterday, which is good, as there are now buckets of it in the freezer (if I'm truthful, I made two, but carrot and coriander is way more mainstream). So here's my Thai red curry butternut soup...

Firstly, get your husband, while he's cooking his fa...


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The positive flip side to the negative: remembering things that matter

Posted by Qrious , in Brightness 29 October 2014 · 269 views

:trigger: ed, SI, sui


I had a shocking day yesterday. It ended in SI and Dark Sui thoughts. Deeply not fun.

So what triggered this? Firstly, there was sadness that my weight had ticked up. This made me feel very vulnerable, somehow. I remain underweight; irrationality abounds on this score.

The real issue, though, was my thinking around therapy, whi...


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Dark side triggers and how to fight them *tw* SUI, ED

Posted by Qrious , in Brightness 16 October 2014 · 219 views

Been an interesting couple of days. I went into T on Tues, trying to consider where next in therapy within the context of how this is all affecting my life in the now. Seems a sensible way of thinking, but one I haven't used at all previously. It has felt sometimes as if my T has lacked direction, and until now, I've not been strong enough to think things...


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Stats are only numbers

Posted by Qrious , in Uncategorized, Brightness 26 September 2014 · 246 views

I shared with my husband today that I had been looking into how to prevent a relapse of depression (proactive, not Eeyore-like, even though that's how he would usually see it). And the fairly horrid stats around relapse. One depressive episode, 50% chance of another. Three, and it rises to 90%. I've had four. Hmmmm.

But. It should be a fairly bleak concl...


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Body

Posted by Qrious , in Brightness 15 June 2014 · 256 views

*tw* body size issues, ED

I'm wondering if I accidentally hit upon a healing exercise today. Time was, a sentence like that would have been far too mawkish for me to type, but feeling a little as if I may have crossed something off my list of 'issues', so thought I'd pin this down before it tries to turn to smoke and mirrors.

Actually, mirrors feature q...


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So much braver than I give me credit for

Posted by Qrious , in Brightness 23 April 2014 · 403 views

Last night, I handed to my T something he'd not asked for. The week before I had asked for everything I'd ever written to him back, stating quite clearly that it meant I didn't feel like I was leaving anything personal behind if I didn't go back. Not a good session, and not surprisingly, no homework was mooted.

But the very next day I found myself writin...





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