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Tella's Blog



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The truth hurts but it also heals.

Posted by Tella , 02 May 2014 · 64 views

I realized the abuse has affected me more than I realized.
I discovered that I have PTSD.
I learned I have had anxiety since elementary (I just did not know).
I had my first panic attack (I thought I was having a heart attack).
I recovered painful memories.
One of my abusers friend requested me on Facebook.
Living on my own has made me more paran...


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Not My Body

Posted by Tella , 16 March 2014 · 90 views

"You felt like your body wasn't your own, like your body didn't belong to you, because you were always told that it belonged to someone else. Maybe that is how you still feel now."
 
When I heard this, I was not shocked because deep down inside I knew this, but I had never admitted it.
Never did I say it. Never did I think it.
 
Although...


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Let The Revamping Begin

Posted by Tella , 26 February 2014 · 92 views

So, today I was diagnosed with Trichotillomania. It is an impulsive control disorder, and pretty much I pull out my hair. I know this started when I was 10. Sometimes I do not even notice when I am pulling out my hair, and other times I catch myself but I feel like I can't stop. It occurs when I am stressing, when I am dozing off, when I am concentrating,...


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My Failed Cry for Help

Posted by Tella , 23 February 2014 · 110 views

You are trying to make it seem like he raped you. Actually, I think you are lying. I mean, why would HE want to do anything with YOU? 
 
This is what a friend told me after I opened up about the sexual things one of friends had began to do. Her simple response confirmed what this abuser had told me.
 
He told me that no one would bel...


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My Facade

Posted by Tella , 23 February 2014 · 99 views

Lately, I feel like I am going crazy. I keep on replaying those memories that should be forgotten. Those memories make me feel guilt, humiliation, anger, and sadness. I keep thinking: what could I have done to prevent it? Why did I let it continue? Why did I end up giving in? Why did I wait so long to stop it? Why me?
 
M y hell ended 9 years ago...





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