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my crazy life



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parts

Posted by crazycatlover , in about my feelings 24 April 2014 · 182 views

Though I do not have DID this way of thinking about things has been partially inspired by those on here that do. I guess the difference Is I see these parts as aspects of one person-me not separate people. the main part of me is the teenager with mostly normal teenage feelings.another part is the parent who is always yelling at the teenager ,and tries to...


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easter

Posted by crazycatlover , in about my feelings 19 April 2014 · 168 views

I don't remember if easter is an anni for me but I know my cousin often came over around easter....I think the association with him has been enough to make the last few days triggering.easter is supposed to be about jesus supposedly rising from the dead......will I ever rise to a place where my abuse no longer hurts me? I still don't know what I believe r...


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green belt

Posted by crazycatlover , in about my feelings 15 April 2014 · 148 views

I just finnally got a green belt in karate. I've noticed that my belt reflects not only my growth as a karate student ,but also my growth as a person. it's fitting that I've got a new belt as over the last few months I've changed so much. I've finally been able to feel okay cursing. though calling my  now former t the C word was very hard for me to d...


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fear of dying

Posted by crazycatlover , in about my feelings 09 April 2014 · 108 views

It's acting up again because this afternoon I'm going to see a specialist who can hopefully figure out what's wrong with my body. for some reason part of me is convinced I'm going to die....
I don't want to die I'm too young I'm only 18....
I want to go to college
I want to find a job I love
I want to live in my own house
i want to find someone I can trul...


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a new therapist and the real me

Posted by crazycatlover , in about my feelings 21 March 2014 · 166 views

I'm going to see a therapist with more experience with sexual abuse next wednesday.It seems like I'lls till be able to see the therapist I've been seeing as well.I hope this will help me finnally get some of this shit figured out.... but I am doubting that I will be able to show her the real me -the one who curses and needs to curse sometimes ,who gets an...


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my parents: good and bad

Posted by crazycatlover , in about my feelings 18 March 2014 · 173 views

good things about my parents: they've taken care of me since I was a baby
they believed me when I told them what my cousin did
they tried to protect me from my cousin but obvoiusly couldn't -which is probably the only reason he never raped me
they got me the help I needed with my aspergers
most of the time I feel like there doing their best to help me hea...


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fear

Posted by crazycatlover , in about my feelings 17 March 2014 · 123 views

not all my fear is because of my abuse -when I was little I was scared of vacuums because they made noise and I thought they could suck me up.now I'm not little anymore so I know vacuums can't suck me up.
the fear of myself,of my own impulses didn't start with the SI.that is where my cursing issues started,I felt a strong urge to curse and it scared me .I...


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I don't understand

Posted by crazycatlover , in about my feelings 16 March 2014 · 179 views

why?
why does it hurt so much?
Why do I hurt myself? it just seems like  a strange and unatural thing to want to do.
how do I go to college now that I not only will have to keep safe from others but from myself?
why can't I believe I'm not crazy?
why do they have such shitty laws that I have to suffer while my cousin walks free?
why did my cousin hur...


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not a good girl (tw for sexual talk)

Posted by crazycatlover , in about my feelings 12 March 2014 · 192 views

this is a message for all my "friends" at school
you think I'm a good girl
but I'm not what I look like
you think that I don't curse
all those words are inside me,I'm just afraid to let them out
I tell you I'm a "virgin"
I am but I don't feel  like one
not just because of my abuse
because I've had more orgasms with my own hands then most of you have...


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awesome things about me

Posted by crazycatlover , in about my feelings 10 March 2014 · 143 views

yet another list-I've done a lot of these lately .but as I am always so critical of myself  I thought it would be good to list the good things I can see in myself.
1.even though I am going through all of this crazyness ,I can still do pretty well in school for the most part
2. I see everyone as equal no matter what race,gender,sezual orientation ,rel...






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