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sueb0311's Blog



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Breaking ground

Posted by sueb0311 , 22 November 2014 · 30 views

I've been in therapy for a few months now and was very inspired by my last session. We spoke about my non existent self esteem. She asked if I self talk telling myself how bad I am, ugly I am, worthless and useless. Uh.....yeah.
She wrote something down for me I wanted to share with all of you...

"Talk to yourself as you would talk to someone you love"....


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Frustration & Hurt

Posted by sueb0311 , 18 September 2014 · 68 views

I am so frustrated. My T cancelled for the second time because she is sick. We are supposed to begin EMDR and I work myself up to go and she cancels. 
What's really hurting me tonight is a fight I had this morning with my husband. I needed him near me. When he was getting ready for work, well before getting ready, I asked if he could sit with me. He...


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Losing my mind

Posted by sueb0311 , 08 September 2014 · 101 views

Trigger....CSA, SI

Oh boy, the last few days I've been in a funk.

I'm so ashamed since flashbacks and new memories are becoming much more clear. I'm ashamed because I've consistently, as an adult, put myself in unsafe positions. My T told me when you are ready to handle repressed memories, they will come. Problem is, they're coming forth with a vengean...


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Negativity

Posted by sueb0311 , 07 September 2014 · 72 views

I'm a negative person. Period. I always think everyone has a motive of why they want to be in my life. For instance, when I have a friend I'm always looking for what they want instead of just accepting that they just want to be friends. There's got to be some other reason besides just wanting to be friends. Same goes for my personal, intimate life. My H i...


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Just sick of it all

Posted by sueb0311 , 24 August 2014 · 84 views

2 rants in 2 days...

Geez, I don't even know where to start. I'm just sick of everything. Sick of feeling so out of control, sick of having flashbacks, sick of nightmares, sick of feeling.
This past week has been completely unbearable. I'm overwhelmed at work, I'm overwhelmed at home. I feel like I'm running aimlessly in circles. Like I'm trapped in a l...


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It's like a lightbulb turned on

Posted by sueb0311 , 23 August 2014 · 75 views

A friend posted a blog and as I read it, it really shed light on how I've been feeling lately.
It reminded me of middle school. I've been to probably 5 or 6 different middle schools as I was shuffled around a lot. Even though they were all very different, the were all very much the same.
I was an outcast.
After my first round of abuse ended (wow, what a...


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I'm a huge disappointment to my family and myself

Posted by sueb0311 , 10 August 2014 · 219 views

I have this dark cloud looming over me. I feel like I'm in a mass depression this past week. I feel like I'm a huge disappointment to my husband and my daughter. My husband knows of my abuse. All of it. He wants to help. He knows I've been having memories resurface and he wants to talk about it to help. I want to tell him but have been avoiding it because...


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Shame

Posted by sueb0311 , 09 August 2014 · 61 views

I have a lot of shame. Shame from my abuse and allowing it to happen for some 30+ years. I never reported it for the fear of not being believed and for knowing I am not strong enough to deal with the justice system. I'm trying to move forward by going to therapy. There's just so many memories resurfacing now I'm finding it quite overwhelming. I have sever...


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Overwhelming feelings

Posted by sueb0311 , 27 June 2014 · 67 views

My past 2 days have been amazing. I'm beginning to feel a new connection with my husband. He recently revealed his skeletons and we are trying to work through them. Though he's caused me a lot of pain, I'm glad he came clean about his porn addiction.
I think my biggest struggle right now is trying to move past his revelation while dealing with my demons....


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Sadness & Pain

Posted by sueb0311 , 02 April 2014 · 97 views

The pain I feel runs so deep. I have never felt pain and sadness like this before. Maybe because I've never truly been in love before. Love hurts. There's no way around it. I'm just hoping I must feel pain and sadness before the sun rises over the darkness and I will forever feel happiness. I'm looking forward to that moment.






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